She's Not Just My Friend
by A-Kabby-K
Summary: A collection of Kabby One-shot.
1. A sign of hope

**I everybody ! I'm new in the fandom and after the Kabby kiss in the promo I couldn't help but write something about it ! This fic will be a collection of One-shot ( because yes I already have a lot of prompt in my mind ). I write since nearly 12 years but in french, so please don't jugde me** **too harshly because** **I've studied english at school but I wasn't very good :/**

 **I did my best but I'm sure there are mistakes. I hope you enjoy it anyway ^^  
**

 **1\. A sign of hope**

Abby crossed a tired hand on her face and let escape a deep sigh. The situation at camp Jaha was becoming out of control. Since they came back from Mount Weather and the announcement of some children's death, the woman could feel the discontent began to rise among the people. The rumor of grounders' treason hadn't taken long to be known by everyone in camp Jaha and it has definitively sparked things off. A small group of dissidents had begun to meet secretly and their number was increasing every day.

" Maybe we should organize an election ... A debate would certainly allow us to get to listen to reason to a lot of people. ", Abby proposed, her eyes raising towards Marcus.

He shook negatively his head as he continued to walk in the room with anxiety written on his face. He was tense. Abby knew perfectly he was fighting to hold back his anger.

" They are guided by their feelings, by their sorrow ! The loss of the children is still too recent, they are unfit to hear reasonable arguments for now ... We will be ejected of the council and then nothing will prevent Pike of entailing all of us into a war that we cannot win ! ", he answered, resting his hands on the central table.

" So, what are you propose? ", she asked him with a suspicious look.

They knew each other for a long time and, despite the way Kane had changed his state of mind since they arrived on earth, Abby perfectly knew he continued to tend towards the radical solutions." The majority of the guards are still on our side... for the moment at least. We should take advantage of it. It's necessary to arrest the leaders and offer them a choice: they submit themselves or they definitely leave the camp! ", he answered with determination, staring at her.

Abby shook immediately her head and took a step towards him.

" You can't be serious! Banish the uprising's leaders would mean banish their families too ! They would leave with women and children! We don't know in which state of mind the natives are and with the winter which approaches, let these people leave the camp would mean sentencing them to death ! ", she retorted, slightly raising her voice." I know ! ", he whispered, his eyes now fixed on the ground.

Abby knew that Marcus had never taken this kind of decision thoughtlessly. He had probably thinking about it all night long, thinking about all the alternatives they had." But it's the only solution ! We can't wait ! They could organize a mutiny any minute now and in this case we could be banished or worse. ", he continued, looking at her right in the eyes.

Abby crossed her arms on her breast and rolled her eyes. Marcus was probably right, but she couldn't stop thinking he had the bad habit to always exaggerate things.

"You heard Jackson ! Pike spends his time to tell everyone that we betrayed our people by accepting an alliance with the natives. With the murderers of their children ... You know what the Exodus' charter provides for the treason. Here they can't make us float, but it will not prevent them from killing us!", he added seriously, before biting his lips which testified of the anger he was trying to contain.

"No they won't ! ", she retorted him, instinctively.

Marcus let escape a short, bitter laugh.

"Really? Are you certain of that ?", he asked cynically, raising an eyebrow at her.

Abby stared at him. As usual he had the knack of getting on her nerves, to irritate her while it clearly wasn't the time to go into a nth sterile quarrel. She would have wanted to answer him in the affirmative. To tell him their people were civilized enough and reasonable to ban the death penalty now their back to earth. To understand they had done their best to save the children. However, she suddenly remembered an incident. A little more than a week earlier a man had appeared at the medical. He had asked her to come and see his wife who refused to feed since she has been informed of their son's death.

The woman, Sacha, had refuse to talk to her. She had remained silent, prostrated, her eyes fixed on the wall in front of her. Abby hadn't insisted and she had only give to her husband some vitamins and food complements. However, when she had left the room, she had heard a whisper behind her. She didn't have really paid attention to it, but now she realized the word treason had been saying.

Abby sighed profoundly. She refused to doubt to her people. She did it before and it had ended by Jake's death. However, if Kane was right, she had, as chancellor, to take her responsibilities." I will tell them I gave you the order. That it was I who sent you to negotiate with Lexa. That it was my first order after you decided to make me chancellor. ", she said abruptly, face expressionless.

Marcus' eyes opened wide and he moved away of the table to get closer to her." It's out of the question ! I I forbid you to do that! ", he exclaimed, grabbing her elbow.

Abby frowned and removed violently her arm." You forbid me? Who do you think you are for forbid me to do something ? I don't take orders from you ! I'm the chancellor ! ", she declared with anger, raising slightly her head to be able to fix him straight in the eyes.

" I won't let you ! ", he asserted, moving one step closer to her.

«If what you are saying is true and if somebody has to assume the consequences of this decision, then I would take my responsibility. If somebody has to die to calm things down, then it will be me, only me! I never thought I'd say this, but you are a good leader Marcus. You know how to be listened and Lexa respect you more than me. They will need you if things goes wrong... », she said with a lump in her throat.

«They'll need you too ! We'll need you too ! I...I'll need you too !», he responded, his voice slowly faded away.

«No...», she breathed with a sad smile across her face.

«Jackson can replace me to medical. I armed some irresponsible kids and because of that innocents people died ! My daughter doesn't need me anymore and she'll never forgive me for her father's death...I'm no longer useful !», she added tears in her eyes.

«How can you be so stubborn ?! So blind ?», he exploded with more pain than anger on his face.

«We didn't go through all of this for letting a tyrant like Pike screw up all we have tried to build ! I just can't watch you give up like this, not now ! How can you think I will let you put yourself in danger ! I'll never again let anybody hurt you ! Do you hear me Abby ? Never ! », he shouted, his voice shaking with emotion.

Abby remained silent, both surprise and touched. She never saw him out of control like this. Well, maybe just once... She remembered his look when she was tortured in Mount Weather. His face had been only horror and misery. She hadn't taken her eyes off him while they were shredded her knee and she'd never be able to forget his expression.

She opened her mouth to speak, but the words were stuck in her throat. She was never able to think correctly when he was looking at her like if he cared for her. Maybe he did...in fact she knew he did...But with such intensity ?

During a second she thought he was about to leave, to end the conversation by running away from her, but he didn't. She blinked and her eyes opened just in time to see him pouncing on her. Her lips reflexively parted as his mouth crashed onto hers. The force made Abby stumble back a step, but Marcus' hand on her cheek kept her in place. Her brain froze and her heart took over. She grabbed the back of his head and let her hand slipped in his hair.

Abby felt Marcus' arm wrapped around her shoulder and she automatically melt into his embrace, tilting her head and deepening the kiss. She didn't think, she just felt. Felt his soft lips again her own. Felt his gentle beard stroke over her skin. Felt his strength overwhelm her. Felt his scent invading her senses... She never thought of him like that for decades... Or rather she didn't let herself think of him like that for decades. But right now it felt like the most natural thing in the world.

Her heart was bounding in her chest and her legs were trembling. She tightened her grip around Marcus and opened her mouth to allow her tongue to find his. Passion sparked instantly and she let escaped a soft moan. Several burning memories of their youth together came back to her mind and she felt her lower belly catch fire. It was just a kiss, but she was about to lose her mind, especially as she felt one of Marcus' hand slide along the bottom of her shirt, brushing again her bare skin.

When oxygen had completely deserted their lungs, they finally broke the kiss. They were both breathing heavily, their foreheads against each other as they tried to catch their breath. Her eyes were still closed, but she could feel his on her face. She didn't want this to end. She wanted to stay in his arm as long as possible because for the first time since Jake's death she has forgotten all her pain, all her fears, all her despair... For the first time in years she felt alive !«Abby...I...I'm sorry...I shouldn't...», Marcus said as his hands started to leave Abby's body.

She shacked her head, her eyes still closed as she leaned against him, her face buried in his neck.

«Don't ! Don't apologize for this...», she whispered , her lips brushing softly against his pulse point.

Marcus nodded briefly and one second later hisarms was once again wrapped around Abby's shoulders.

«Just promise me you won't do anything that would endanger you !», he claimed before kissing the top of her head.

«Only if you promise me to do the same.», she responded, stepping back to gaze into his eyes.

Marcus nodded with a soft smile on his lips, before kissing her once more.

They stayed there for a long time, wrapped into each other arms, sharing loving kiss and tenders caresses. They remained silent, enjoying this intimacy, both knowing this will end, had to end in the minute they will leave the room. It wasn't the time to weaken, to allow themselves to be distracted and to offer to Pike a new pressure tactic... But in Abby's mind it wasn't just a moment of weakness or a lack of control, it meant something more... like a sign of hope. A sign that one day, when the time comes, they could be more than just friends...


	2. Eternal love

**This is the continuation of my first one-shot. I hope you'll enjoy it despite all my mistakes.**

 **2\. Eternal love**

The air was unbreathable. The smell of burned flesh made her nauseous and the smoke made her eyes stung. A hundred of bodies was burning in a blaze of fire as the words «Yu gonplei ste odon» was resonating in a dead quiet. There was neither yell or cry. Everyone was so dignified, their face like frozen. Even children remained silent as their parent's remains were consumed by the flames. Most of them were now orphans because of Pike and his bloodthirsty troops.

The whole thing made her sick but now she and a few other skypeople had managed to escape from camp Jaha, Abby knew she had to control herself, to turn off her feelings. It wasn't the time to mourn the dead, not yet! She was keeping her eyes on her daughter or rather the young girl who had been her daughter, in another life she now hardly remembered.

Since Clarke had left the camp nearly one year earlier, she wasn't the same. She was now dressed like the natives. Her gaze was so cold and even her voice was different, like totally devoid of any emotion. They hadn't seen each other for months and Abby felt almost like a stranger to her own child.

When she had arrived at Polis a week earlier, Abby's only thought was to take her daughter in her arms. But when she had finally been allowed to walked into the leader's tent, two warriors had prevented her from approaching Clarke during the entire meeting. After it, she only had had a few minute alone with her but the young woman had kept her distance, her arms remained down at her side whereas her mother was hugging her. This moment had been heartbreaking for Abby but she hadn't said anything. She was just glad her daughter was alive and safe.

Suddenly there were mutterings among the crowd and Abby saw Lexa get on a stage over the fire. She remained silent a few seconds while she was looking at her people. She finally started to speak and even if Abby didn't speak the native language, she knew the commandant was speaking about the war. Her tone was unequivocal, she wanted revenge. «Jus drein jus daun!» this words made her shiver. Blood must have blood.

Abby was so focused on Lexa, she didn't realize her hands were shaking along her side until she felt Marcus's fingers brushing against her own.

«I think we had quite enough for today.», he whispered in her ear.

«They'll spare no one...Jackson, Raven, Bellamy...All of our people who stayed over there...», she said with horror on her face.

Marcus stared at her a second before nodded briefly.

«I'll talk to Lexa later but for now, we don't need to see this...», he responded while the crowd's mood was soaring.

Abby took one last look at the commandant then at Clarke and turned around, Marcus's hand resting on the small of her back until they returned to their quarters.

Once inside, Abby moved towards the large dining table in the center of the room. She rested her hands on it and closed her eyes. She took a deep breath, trying to prevent herself from breaking down. She felt powerless. Hundreds of people will certainly die and there was nothing she could do. Marcus had been right when he was saying Pike was a real danger. She had refused to banish him and his supporters when they had the chance and now it was too late to avoid the war. Once again she has failed as chancellor.

« Stop blaming yourself...», Marcus whispered as he placed a glass of red wine on the table.

A sad smile took place on her lips. He knew her all too well.

«How couldn't I ?», she responded bitterly before taking the glass and turning around, the small of her back resting against the table.

«No one is infallible Abby. We've all made mistakes. You had chosen to have faith in our people and no one can ever take that away from you. Pike is solely responsible for this.», he said staring at her.

She held the glass at her lips and took a huge sip of wine which made her throat burnt.

«Maybe we shouldn't have came back to earth. Maybe we were destined to die on space...» she said with tears in her eyes.

Marcus shook his head and took a step towards her.

«No, we weren't !», he replied as he cupped her face.

Surprise by this gesture of affection, she lifted her head towards him and met his gaze. She swallowed hard as she remembered that day at camp Jaha when he had kissed her. They hadn't talked about it. They had just continued to fight against pike, trying to ignore their feeling to focus entirely on the survival of their people.

She leant against his hand and closed her eyes. They were safe for the first time for months and right now there was nothing they could do to prevent war. They had to wait for the end of the funeral ceremony before speaking to Lexa. So she just enjoyed this moment.

«I'm so down with all of it !», she whispered as she subconsciously closed the space between them.

«I know...», he responded softly, his arms wrapping around her shoulders and pulling her slowly to him.

She didn't push him away because she needed this, wanted this... She put the glass on the table and then wrapped her arms around Marcus' waist, her forehead resting against his shoulder. She remained silence for a long time, enjoying the way his fingers were stroking her hair lightly and were rubbing her back. Her body started to relax into his hold. The smell of him was a comfort, so she buried her face into his neck and inhaled deeply.

«Maybe you should take a rest, I could ask Lincoln if he has something to help you sleep...», he offered her, his thumb ran up and down her spine which made her shiver.

Abby shook her head and tightened her grip around him.

«No...», she murmured against his ear.

She didn't need to sleep. She just needed to forget. To take her mind off things. To find something which could give her the strength to carry on. And she knew exactly what she needed. She needed him like this day at camp Jaha. She needed his lips on hers, his hands all over her body. She needed to feel safe and loved.

«I just...I just need to forget...», she said before pulled back an inch until she could gaze into his eyes.

Marcus frowned and gave her an interrogated look.

«Make me forget Marcus. Just for once... Help me to forget !», she pleaded as she let her fingers brushing against his beard.

«Abby I...», he started but before he could finish, Abby got up on her tiptoes and crashed her lips onto his.

At first, Marcus didn't respond and a flash of fear struck her. What if he had changed his mind since their kiss? What if she was wrong, if her feelings weren't reciprocated? She started to freak out but when she was about to step back, Marcus's hand clenched at her hair and he deepened the kiss. She let out a soft moan of pleasure and relief against his mouth. He tilted his head and sucked her bottom lips as one of his hands came to her waist to push her against the edge of the table. Abby parted her lips and their tongues started to brush against each other with sensuality and ardor. She ran her hands up along his arms, to his shoulders, enjoying the feeling of his muscles under her palms.

Suddenly Marcus tightened his grip on her waist and lift her onto the table. She let out a yelp of surprise but automatically spread her legs and grabbed the lapels of his jacket to pull him against her. He break the kiss only to catch his breath before nuzzle against her jaw and finally let his lips suck the sensitive spot behind her ear. Abby bit her lower lips as her brain spun and her heart was pounding in her chest. She tipped her head back to give him a better access and lifted a hand to the back of his head to encourage him to continue.

«Does it work ?», he muttered against her bare skin as his hand rested on her thigh.

His touches and kisses made her brain all fuzzy, so she didn't really understand what he was saying.

«What ?», she asked absent-mindedly.

«Do I make you forget ?», he clarified as his lips went down on the V of her t-shirt.

«Yes...Don't stop !», she breathed quickly, eyes half-closed.

She arched her back as she felt his hand brush gently along her ribs and then along the curve of her breast. A moan escaped her as he started to leave a trail of warm open-mouth kisses along the edge of her bra. She was suddenly eager for more. She wanted to touch him, to feel his hard muscles under her fingers and lips. So she reached for the lapel of his jacket and pushed it off his shoulders. It seemed to be a sign for more to Marcus who left her cleavage to grabbed the aim of her sweater and pulled it over her head.

Abby tried to pull him down for another kiss but Marcus resisted, his gaze focus on her face.

«What ?», she asked, frowning.

Marcus shook is head and offered a shy smile.

«Nothing...it's just...you're stunning...», he said, his thumb brushing tenderly against her cheekbone.

Abby felt her cheek turn red. She knew Marcus had never been very good to express his feelings. On the Ark he was always so cold, always emotionally self-possessed, but now he was different. She couldn't say he was a new person, because a long time ago, when they were young and when the life was so much easier for them he was already this man. A man who care for other, for her... A man who can hold her hand for miles and miles and who can tell her with his eyes how much he had been afraid to loose her.

She remained silent but took his hands in hers and put it on one of her breasts. He lowered his gaze and she shivered. She saw him swallowed hard but his touch was still soft, delicate. He seemed to take his time. She bit her lower lips as she felt his fingers stroke against the edge of her bra. Butterflies began swirling in the spit of her stomach.

«Mum !», a voice called out from the hallway.

Abby felt the blood coursing through her veins. Marcus automatically get his hands away from her but he stayed in place to hide her half-naked body.

«Oh God... I...Ok...», Clarke exclaimed as she saw them.

She immediately turned around and walked away.

«Clarke wait! Please wait !», Abby shouted as she caught her sweater and put it.

«Sorry...», she whispered to Marcus before she get off the table and left the room.

She was about to run after her daughter, thinking she was already gone but she found her sitting on the stairs outside the apartment. Abby felt uncomfortable. She didn't know what to say. She hesitated but she finally sat down next to her.

«Clarke I...», she started but she was interrupted by her daughter's voice.

«How long ?», Clarke spat without looking at her.

Abby raised an eyebrow and shook her head, not really understanding what her daughter meant.

«How long you been going together ?», she specified, looking at her this time.

Abby's eyes opened wide.

«That's not what you think...Marcus and I...We're just...», she stopped because, in fact, she wasn't really certain of what they were for each other.

He was her co-leader, a shoulder to lean on, someone she trusted. He was his friend, someone she cared about, but there was something more...

«We're just friends! », she finished with aplomb.

« Don't mess with me! I know exactly what I saw and it wasn't something you do with a friend !», Clarke retorted as she get up.

«How could I have been so blind...Since you came on earth...I see how you look at each other...It's like you never know if you should kill or kiss each other ... », she added, her face in her hands.

«Clarke...», Abby tried to speak but she was instantly cut off.

«No ! Listen to me !», Clarke shouted, looking at her right in the eyes.

« I realize now it had always been like this. Already on the Ark...I know you know each other all your life...but How could you be with a man who has voted to sentence your husband, my father, to death! Who has put me in jail! Who has tried to kill you! Who...», she said infuriated.

«Stop! Clarke stop! Marcus is not that man anymore! You have no right to judge him not after...», Abby cried, before stop to prevent herself from saying hurtful things.

She was about to speak about the missile, about Mount Weather and her Clarke, knew it. The young woman let escape a sigh and looked down.

«I know...We all have blood in our hands...but...I couldn't help to wonder if... », she whispered, her voice faded away.

«I loved your father, Clarke, with all my heart !», Abby stated, her hand resting on her daughter's arm.

«Yes...Yes, I know that but...You loved Kane too, didn't you ?», she asked with a sad smile on her lips.

Abby frowned and shook her head.

«What...What makes you think that ?», she requested astonished.

Clarke shrugged her shoulders.

«Couple things...like this picture I found one day in an old box. Many photos were taken the day I was born: You and me, dad you and me, even Jaha with me...In every photo, you seemed so happy, so glad. But on that photo, the only one with Marcus and me, I could see your face in the background and it was just heartbreaking. You were looking at him with so much pain... And Marcus...He smiled but I could see misery in his eyes. I don't know how to explain but I knew...», she told her softly.

Abby felt her heart break in her chest. She remembered this picture. She perfectly remembered this time when Marcus had held her little baby in his arms for the first time. He had tried to seem happy for her and for Jake but she knew he was suffering. And she was upset too. She had always thought, he'd be the father of her child but things went wrong and he didn't.

«You married dad because of me? Because you were pregnant ?», Clarke asked without any anger.

«No ! Clarke no...», she tried to deny but in truth her daughter was right.

Abby had loved her husband, but it was different from what she had shared with Marcus. With him, it was always passionate, very emotional and sulfurous.

«It's ok mom...I can understand...It's just... see you together... I wasn't ready for this...», she conceded, her voice faded away.

«It's none of my business, anyway! Lexa set up a meeting for tomorrow morning. She wants you and Marcus to come.», she added quickly before turning around.

«Clarke please...», Abby begged, wanting to talk about her daughter's new life, her feelings...

«I have to go, she's waiting for me !», she said and left without looking back.

Abby watched her walk away, feeling more lost than ever. She didn't expect this. Her daughter thought she had always loved Marcus... She stood still a few long minutes, lost in her thoughts. Finally, she went back to the apartment and she immediately saw Marcus stand into the hallway, looking down.

She felt her muscles stiffen.

«Did...did you heard us ?», she asked hesitantly.

Marcus nodded and started to speak without looking at her.

«She was right you know...about me...about this photo...This day I was really happy for you but I also realized I had lost you forever...», he confessed in a low voice.

«After my father's death, I was so angry, I blamed the whole world and I pushed you away while you were just trying to help me out... », he continued as he crossed a tired hand on his face.

«I never should have gone to the high-security station... I never should have left you... I was so stupid, so foolish...», he added with anger and pain written on his face.

Abby felt her heart began to beat faster in her chest and her body quivered. She was stuck in place and unable to speak. She finally found the strength to clear her throat and made a step toward him.

«She was right about me too !», she said suddenly in a quick breath.

Marcus looked at her and raised an eyebrow.

«Clarke... She said I've always loved you! It's hard for me to admit it but...She was right... », she specified with tears in her eyes.

Marcus remained silent for a few seconds, half-opened mouth. Then he moved towards her and lowered his mouth to hers. Before she could realize it she was pinned between him and the wall, his tongue licked against the seam of her lips. Abby opened her mouth and deepened the kiss until they were both breathless.

«I've always loved you too...», Marcus whispered against her lips before kissing her again and again and again, spending the rest of the night to make up for lost time...


	3. Don't say that ! Not now ! (3x09)

**Ok, this fucking promo kills me and I couldn't help to write something about it. So here I am. Sorry not sorry ! Don't forget to tell me what you think !**

 **3\. Don't say that ! Not now ! (3x09)**

And here she was. Eyes swollen with tears. A lump in her throat. Heart bleeding. The world collapsing all around her. Bellamy's words looping in her mind. « _He's sentenced to death. I'm so sorry._ » She had slapped him. Hard. She had yelled at him. With such force that her throat was still sore. « _Not again! Not again! Not again !_ », was all she could think.

The door opened and she couldn't move. She was paralyzed. She looked at him as the guards were removing the handcuffs. She felt like she was suffocating. It was a nightmare. It had to be! She will not be able to survive to this for a second time.

«Five minutes !», said one of the guards before leaving the room.

The door slammed behind them and Abby felt her heart break. Five minutes. How could she tell him goodbye properly in five fucking minutes? Anyway. She didn't intend to tell him goodbye. She intended to find a way to get him out of this, to find a way to save him.

«I failed. I'm sorry.», Marcus said with a sad smile.

Abby shook her head.

«He can't execute you !», she said crossly.

No, he couldn't. Pike had no right to do this! This was insane. They were not on the Ark anymore! It had to be another way!

«He's the Chancellor. It's treason. Of course, he can and he will.», he replied disillusioned.

«I won't let this happen to you !», she asserted firmly, stepping towards him.

It seemed that Marcus didn't expect her to come so close to him but he didn't take a step back. She looked at him right in the eyes. She wanted him to know that she will do all she could to save him, to stop Pike. She wanted him to keep hope alive!

«Abby…», he whispered softly after a few second.

«It's over. You can't save everyone.», he said with a quarter in his voice.

«I have to try !», she objected with all her heart.

«No! Please, Abby, don't do this! You have to go find Clarke before the grounder's attack !», he implored as the resignation on his face seemed to leave room for concern.

«I'll not give up on you !», she replied as she cupped his face with her hands.

«You won't. If you do this, you won't give up on me because I would know you're safe and that's all that matters for me now !», he stated firmly as he grasped her elbows.

«Marcus…», she whispered reluctantly as she tried to hold back her tears.

«Please Abby…», he begged with insistence.

She closed her eyes. Her face was distorted with pain. She couldn't lose a man she loved for the second time. It was too hard. Fate couldn't be so cruel! She pressed her lips together to prevent herself from sobbing. She was so scared, so shattered and so angry at the same time. She felt like the ground was falling under her feet. She took a quick breath and pulled Marcus' head towards her to pressed his forehead against hers.

«That's not fair !», she sighed as her thumbs stroked his beard warmly.

«Ge smak daun, gyon op nodotaim !», he murmured softly as his fingers tightened on her elbows.

«I need you to be strong! I need you to be the woman who taught me to have hope! I need you to be the woman I l…», he added but she cut him off.

«Don't! Please, Marcus, don't say that! Not now !», she implored her eyes still closed.

«Abby it's the last chance I have to tell you what I…», he tried again but she stopped him again.

«No ! You'll tell me later! After I saved you !», she stated with conviction as she moved back a little to look at him properly.

«That's not gonna happen !», he murmured sadly.

At this moment, she hated him to told her that. To asked her to giving up on him. She wanted him to fight! To fight for his life, for his people, for her!  
She took a deep breath. It wasn't the time to argue, to blame him.

«I can't save our people without you, Marcus ! I can't make it alone! I just can't live on earth without you! I don't want to spend the rest of my life to wonder what it would have felt like to kiss you! To be in your arms! To feel your hands on me! I already lost Jake. I can't lose you too! Please let me try to save you !», she pleaded as the tears were running down her cheeks.

Marcus remained silent. He just looked at her like if he was memorizing each part of her face. This couldn't be the end! No ! She couldn't accept that!

She pulled his head towards her once again but this time, she lifted her chin and crashed her mouth against his. Hard. With all the strength she had. She wanted to be gentle. She wanted to enjoy this new sensation but they didn't have time for this so she wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed herself against his chest. Marcus' hands grasped immediately at her waist and he kissed her back. She parted her lips and allowed his tongue to find hers. This kiss was desperate, filled of regrets and secret feelings. She wanted him to know all she couldn't tell him out loud. She wanted him to know she was his, that she was in love with him. She wanted him to know she couldn't resign herself to let him died.

«It's time !», said a cold voice as the door opened.

Abby felt her stomach clench and her heart stop in her chest. She tightened her grip around Marcus and continued to kiss him even though her lungs were screaming for air.

«Let's go !», said one of the guards as the other forced Abby to move backwards.

«No! No, please ! Marcus ! No !», she yelled breathless as she struggled in vain.

«I love you, Abby !», Marcus shouted as the guard was bringing him outside the room.

«No don't say that! Marcus ! Not now! Please, Marcus ! May we meet again! May we meet again !», she cried out desperately.

When Marcus disappeared in the corridor, the guard finally released her and left the room.

«I love you too Marcus !», she screamed as the door slammed, before falling on the ground, her body shaking with sobs.


	4. I missed you

**4\. I missed you**

 _Post 3x09, No Jaha, No City of light, Rated T,_

She couldn't help staring at him. Clarke was explaining what had happened in Polis over the last few weeks and what was the plan to defeat Ontari with Luna's help but Abby wasn't listening. Marcus was there, standing between Octavia and Clarke. Anxiety was written all over his face.

He hadn't said a word since they all get back to camp thirteen minutes early. He had offered her a soft smile as her daughter was holding her in her arms. She had wanted to run to him, to hold him close and kiss him until she feel dizzy because of the lack of oxygen but she hadn't had the chance. Clarke had dragged her inside the Ark by saying they needed to discuss without delay.

She hadn't seen him since the day he escaped. She had spent nearly a month without knowing where he was, how he was and worst of all : if he was still alive. She had struggled each day to keep hope alive but sometimes, especially when the night came and she was laying in her bed, in her hopeless cold bed, she couldn't help but felt fear and worry engulf her. In times like these, she always closed her eyes and remembered the feeling of his lips against hers, of her body pressed against his hard chest, of his arms all around her and she was confident again. Once, she had told him he was her hope and she really meant it. He had been the first to see the beauty of the earth. The first to see the grounders as they really are : humans, just like them. The first to see Clarke as a natural and good leader. On the Ark he was the pessimist but now…Now all she saw when she was looking at him is nothing else than hope.

Suddenly Abby felt everyone's eyes on her and she realized that Clarke was asking her a question. She shook her head and remained quiet, unable to answer a question she hadn't listened.

«I think your mother need time to think about it. We all need.», said Marcus, quietly.

«But…», the girl started to object but Marcus cut her off by resting a calming hand on her shoulder.

«Luna gave us three days. I know we need to rush but it's an important decision. A reflection day would not be pointless.», he added wisely.

Clarke nodded.

«Ok. We'll take the final decision tomorrow night.», she agreed before turning around and walking away.

The others followed her and Abby felt her stomach begin to clench in excitation as she realized she will finally be alone with Marcus. The meeting had barely lasted an hour but it had seemed an eternity to her. She continued to stare at him, waiting impatiently for the last person closes the door . For the first time since they entered in the meeting room, Marcus lifted his head and their eyes met. She felt her heart beat faster in her chest and she suddenly couldn't help shivering lightly.

She was about to make a move toward him but a voice stopped her. It was Bellamy who wanted to know something about the security of the camp. She almost growled in frustration when Marcus started to answer him but he finally ended the discussion by sending the boy ask David Miller who was now in charge of the security since Pike's death.

Bellamy nodded and left the room, closing the door behind him.

«We need to talk about the new coalition…», Marcus began as his eyes seemed to avoid hers.

Abby took a first step toward him and nodded silently.

«Without us Luna can't defeat Ontari's army…», he said, looking at the map on the board.

Abby kept moving toward him.

«And if she loses, everyone in this camp would be dead…», he added as he finally turned his face in her direction.

«I know that… I've heard Clarke…», she said distractedly, her eyes focus on his lips.

«Well, you didn't seem very attentive…», he objected as he raised an eyebrow.

She didn't answer and reached her hand toward his face to stroke his cheek softly.

«Just like now…», he said as a trace of a smile played across her lips.

«I…I just need…I was afraid I wouldn't see you again…», she said as a shadow of pain crossed her eyes.

«I have those fears myself…», he whispered back as he shyly removed a strand of hair from her face.

A soft smile tugged at the corner of Abby's mouth. She remembered the relief she had felt this day when she had seen him appear between the trees. It felt like it was a hundred years ago but even then she knew she needed him. Not in the way she needed him now but he already meant something to her, he always have.

«Four clans have already joined Luna's coalition…», he started to speak again but Abby immediately shushed him and firmly grabbed his face with both of her hands.

«Please, just give me five minutes…», she pleaded as she pressed her body softly against his.

Marcus seemed speechless and not quite sure about what to do. He looked at her both stunned and unsure.

«I wasn't sure…», he whispered as he lowered his head, suddenly unable to look at her.

«This day had been hard for everyone…You thought I was going to die…I didn't know if…if that was…if that is… what you really want from me…I…», he stammered with an unusual trembling voice.

«Marcus !», she gently cut him off.

He seemed to hesitate a few seconds but he finally raised his head to look at her right in the eyes.

«Kiss me ! Kiss me right know !», she begged him more than she ordered him.

In a heartbeat, his lips were on hers and his arms were around her tiny waist. A satisfied moan escaped from Abby's throat as she automatically opened her mouth to deepen the kiss. Her hands on his face went up to grab the back of his head and her fingers disappeared in his hair. She felt his tongue tease hers and she couldn't help but press herself harder against his chest.

She couldn't have enough of this, of his lips suckling at hers, of his beard stroking the skin of her face, of his hands fondling the small of her back and the base of her butt, of his muscles pressed hard against her body. She couldn't have enough of him ! It was just a kiss. A mix of lips, tongues, and teeth but she felt like she was going to burn from inside.

Obviously, she wasn't the only one affected by this kiss because a few seconds later she felt her lower back meet momentarily the edge of the meeting table before Marcus' hands grabbed the back of her thighs and hoisted her on it. She almost let out a gasp but his mouth instantly covered hers again and prevented her to be heard on the other side of the door.

She knew she was going to lose her mind, especially when Marcus invited her to spread her legs and pulled her hips against his. A pulse of arousal took her by surprise as she felt him nearly hard against her and she suddenly forgot everything. She forgot where she was, she forgot the unlocked door, she forgot the war around the corner… All she was aware was the man standing between her legs and the feeling of his hands and mouth on her.

«I missed you…», she whispered as he finally released her lips to catch his breath.

«I missed you more…», he responded as he started to leave a trail of voluptuous kisses against the sensitive skin of her neck.

Abby closed her eyes and threw her head back to allow him better access. Her heart was pounding in her chest and she could feel her pulse resonate through her entire body. The five minutes she had asked for were probably passed by now but neither of them seemed to care. She didn't want him to stop and the way his fingers started to slip under her shirt told her he didn't want it to end either.

« I couldn't stop thinking about you…», he murmured as his lips started to brush up softly against her sternum to the base of her breasts.

«I shouldn't have left you here…if Pike…», he continued but this time Abby didn't allow him to finish his sentence.

She cupped his face and gave him a hungry kiss. She kissed him with all the strength and love she had. She locked her legs around his hips and her arms around his neck and she didn't end the kiss before they were both breathless. She wanted him to know what he meant to her. She wanted him to see what she saw when she looked at him. She wanted him to forgive himself as she had forgiven him a long time ago.

«I let you no choice ! For once Marcus… Please… Stop blaming yourself !», she said as she pressed her forehead against his.

She heard him inhale deeply and he remained silent but she felt his thumbs rubbing warmly against her thighs. Slowly she pulled him against her and stroked his hair as he buried his face in her neck, breathing her in.

She felt his lips move softly against her skin and she shivered as she barely heard his next words.

«I love you…», he said again, a little louder this time.

She blinked as her eyes filled with tears. She was about to say it back but the door opened and Octavia appeared in the doorway.

«Sorry…», she said with a tiny grin on her face.

Marcus jumped back abruptly and Abby got off the table as her cheeks were turning red.

«Two grounder warriors are injured. They fell into a trap. We need you to medical right now !», the girl explained quickly.

«I'm on my way !», said Abby as she adjusted her shirt with embarrassment and moved toward the door.

When she was about to leave the room she stopped and turned toward Marcus.

«Me too…», she said with a shy smile, looking at him right in the eyes before disappear in the corridor.


	5. I missed you 2

**I missed you (part 2)**

Post 3x09

 _If you want to listen the music I was thinking about it's Naval by Yann Tiersen._

 _A huge thank you to itsadevereauxthing for her help ! And to charmingly-evil who offered to help too._

It was already dark when she walked into the mess. She had spent the last few hours saving the two injured warriors and she was exhausted. Most of the citizens of the Ark were still here and the way they were whispering told her that everybody was now fully aware of Luna's proposal.

Abby looked around the room and she finally saw Marcus sitting at a table with Octavia, Sinclair, Indra and some others. They were obviously in a deep conversation and she hesitated for a few seconds to join them. She knew that a decision had to be taken. It was now a matter of life and death but a selfish part of herself wished to just enjoy Marcus and Clarke's return. She was so tired of being afraid of losing them, of always wondering if she would ever see them again.

She waited a few more seconds and finally walked toward them.

«Are they all right ?», Octavia asked her as she sat on the chair next to Marcus.

Abby nodded and gave her a soft reassuring smile.

«Good. Thank you.», said Indra in a monotonous voice.

«We owe it to your people !» She replied with sincerity before turning lightly towards Marcus.

«How did they handle the news ?» She asked him as her gaze traveled across the room.

He shrugged his shoulders and sighed.

«They're scared. I think that some of them haven't still understood that Pike was wrong. None of them has clearly refused but…Well, we can't say no to Luna. A no would mean a death sentence for all of us.», He answered with concern.

«We still have time. I'll talk to them tomorrow. We will show them the way out of the dark. Together. » She promised him as she laid her hand on his and gave it a soft squeeze.

She saw his eyes flicker to her lips and for a split of second, she wondered if he was going to kiss her. She wanted him to but he didn't. He squeezed her hand back and nodded, his eyes staring right into hers.

After a few second Octavia started to speak again about Luna and her plans. Marcus broke the eyes contact and turned to the girl.

Abby was about to pull out her hand from his but he stopped her by intertwining her fingers with his own. He didn't look at her but his thumb was now rubbing the back of her hand and it felt like the most natural thing in the world. Even if his touch was becoming familiar she couldn't help but shiver.

Suddenly the first note of a song resonated in the room and everyone stopped talking. Abby turned her head lightly and saw Macallan sitting at the piano. The beautiful melody gave her chills immediately. She didn't know that song but there was a sadness and a softness, which sent shivers throughout the world.

She pressed herself further against the back of her chair and her leg brushed involuntarily against Marcus's under the table. His hand left hers to lay at the base of her neck. She could feel him hesitate for a few second. It was a light and gentle touch, his fingers barely touching her skin. She closed her eyes and leaned into it.

She let herself be carried away by the sound of the music and by Marcus's caresses. His fingers were lost in her hair and his thumb was rubbing the back of her neck. At this moment, she couldn't be happier that he was here, that Clarke was finally at home too. Hearing this music was like hearing her own heart crying for them.

She felt tears springing to her eyes and she suddenly felt the need to touch the man next to her. She put her hand on his knee and tightened her grip on it.

«Are you ok?» He asked her softly after tilting his head, his lips nearly touching her ear.

She turned to him and pressed her forehead against his. She didn't care about what their people would think anymore, what they could say about them, about the way their two leaders were in love. Loving him wasn't, couldn't be, a problem, loosing him was! She cared about how her daughter would feel about this. Seeing her mother with another man, with Marcus Kane but it wasn't the time to think, to hold back her feelings. The war was coming, it was time to live.

«Yes…It's just…I have missed you so much…» She said as she reached for his other hand and invited him to put it on her thigh.

«I'm here Abby! I'm not going anywhere…» He reassured her, his thumb stroking her leg.

«I know…but…I…''She started to say but stopped herself unsure of how to end her sentence.

She swallowed and felt her cheeks starting to turn red. She didn't know how to tell him what she really wanted, what she really needed, what she was dreaming about every single night since he had escaped. She knew she could tell him everything, even her worst fears and her darker secrets. She had told him about her guilt over Jake's death, she had told him about Clarke and the missile at Ton DC and she didn't need to tell him about her worry over Clarke after Mount Weather because he already knew…She trusted him, she loved him but this was something new, something that was exhilarating and terrifying at the same time.

She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply before nuzzling against his jaw then against his neck.

«Take me to bed Marcus…» She whispered in his ear.

She felt him tense and she nearly could hear his heart skip a beat.

«Abby…» He breathed, his fingers tightening around her thigh.

«I don't want to sleep alone, not anymore…not when I now know what it feels like to be in your arms…» She confessed as her lips brushed against his jawbone.

Marcus put his head back lightly and looked into her eyes. He stayed quiet for a few second as a multitude of emotion passed across his face.

Finally, he nodded lightly and stood up from his chair. She did the same, her heart beating frantically in her chest at the thought of what is coming next. He said something about escorting her to her quarters but no one seemed to care. They were all transported by the sound of the piano.

His hand never left the small of her back until they arrived in front of her room. They didn't speak and Abby felt like a teenager again. She felt like this during her first dates with Jake so many years ago, back on the Ark. It was strange to feel like this again, to feel this kind of excitement in the pit of her stomach, to feel her hands becoming clammy, and her breath becoming harder.

As she started to type the security code of her door she realized that her hands were shaking lightly. Marcus probably saw it too because she felt his hand sliding up and down her spine. The door opened and she walked inside.

She didn't turn toward him as she heard his step behind her. She walked to her desk and stopped a few second. She could feel Marcus's eyes on her back as she took the ring which laid between her breast. She closed her eyes and expressed silently some loving words for her dead husband.

«What are you…», He started to say as she took off the chain and put it on her desk.

«The past belongs in the past… I need to move on…», She answered as she turned toward him with a gentle smile on her lips.

«You don't need to…», He started to say but she cut him off.

«I want to! I want to move on….with you…» She said firmly as she removed her wedding ring.

«I loved Jake. A part of me will always love him but… I love you too and we are here, together. We're not the same people that we were on the Ark. I don't want to just start a new chapter, I want to write a new book…»

He stared at her for a few seconds, which seemed like an eternity to her and then they closed the gap between them and kissed her, hard. As hard as their first kiss. One of his hands cupped her face and the other rested against the small of her back, holding her close. She automatically rose to her tiptoes to deepen the kiss and wrapped her arms around his neck. A pleasurable warmth started to spread throughout her entire body as she felt Marcus's tongue slide into her mouth. She moaned with pleasure against his lips and returned him the favor. She let her tongue slide along his bottom lip and then sucked on his with a kind of eagerness. He seemed to like that because his hand against the small of her back slid down her ass to press her hips tighter against his.

She repressed a laugh and did it again, harder, with a wicked smile at the corner of her lips. She wanted him wild and hot with desire. She wanted to consummate this entire secret and unavow sexual tension, which haunted them for years. She wanted him and she didn't want him to hold anything back. Her fingers found their way in his hair and her nails started to scratch gently at his scalp.

This time, his second hand joined the other and before she could realize it, he was lifting her up in the air. She let out a gasp, which quickly turned into a moan as Marcus's mouth found it's way to the valley between her breasts. She tilted her head and kissed the top of his head as he carried her to the bed.

He laid her down carefully onto the mattress and took off his jacket before joining her, his eyes filled with desire and lust. This gaze did something inexplicable to her. After all those months alone she had forgotten how it felt to be wanted, to feel desirable, to feel as a woman and not just as a leader, as a doctor or as a mother.

A pulse of arousal took over her and she couldn't resist reaching for him and pulling him above her. This time it was his turn to smile because of her eagerness. She knew he was about to say something but she didn't give him the time to open his mouth. She took his face in her hands and captured his lips in another heated kiss. He didn't complain, quite the contrary. He kissed her back with a passion she didn't know he was capable of. He was devouring her lips, exploring each part of her mouth with a fervor, which made her brain freeze up. Her hands clenched at his back and her hips started to move subtly against his.

His body responded automatically to hers. He pressed his pelvis harder against hers and a deep and a out of control moan left her throat.

«God Abby…» He breathed as he buried his mouth on her neck, his hand traveling along her ribcage to finally find its way up her shirt.

A shiver ran through her body, from her tiptoes to the base of her spine at the feeling of his big and hot hand on her skin.

«Take it off!» She begged him more than she ordered him.

She didn't have to ask twice. He grabbed the hem of her shirt and pulled it over her head. He started to kiss her neck again but she stopped him.

«Yours too!» She said with an unusually raspy voice.

«If it's a chancellor's order…» He said with a grin before complying.

She looked at him as he took off his shirt and she let her hands travel along his hard chest. His skin was almost feverish under her palms and she was suddenly craved to kiss it. She started to stand back up but he grabbed her wrist and forced her to lie down again, her hands above her head.

«You first…» He said as he attacked her neck once more, sucking at her pulse point.

«Can I ask why?» She asked playfully.

«Because I dream about doing this every night…» He told her as his tongue slid slowly along her neck.

«And you think I don't?» She retorted with a smirk.

«Do you?» He asked in turn.

She opened her mouth to answer him but the words died on her tongue as she felt one of his hands leaving her wrist to unzip her jeans. In a heartbeat, his fingers found their way under her underwear and she couldn't help but catch her breath in anticipation.

«Do you?» He insisted again as he pulled his head back to look at her.

«Yes… " She breathed as she rocked her hips against his hand, eyes half-closed, so overwhelmed by this new, intoxicating sensation that and she didn't realize that one of her hands was free now to touch him.

«Good to know…» He whispered in her ear in a low voice as his fingers started to move lightly, gently, almost teasingly against her wetness.

She tilted her head back against the pillow, her breath speeding up as she felt her whole body starting to shudder.

«Kiss me…» She pleaded, reaching frantically for the back of his head.

Marcus did as she asked and captured her lips in a sensual, bruised kiss. She felt all of her muscles tense as his thumb flickered over her clit and she had to repress a powerful moan by biting her bottom lip.

«I need to see all of you…» He breathed against her mouth and before she could realize it, her boots, socks, jeans and her underwear were flying in the air.

«Hungry?» She teased, raising a mischievous eyebrow at him as he lay again above her.

«For you, always…» He confessed with an honesty that warmed up her heart.

She reached for his jaw and stroked gently his beard, her eyes focused on his. It felt so good to have him back again. To have him full of desire and love in her arms. In only six months he had became so important to her. On one side it was strange, she felt like their relationship on the Ark was nothing more than a nightmare. It seemed so unreal to her because this Marcus, this man who was now looking at her, kissing her, loving her, would never hurt her, or do something horrible to her. Now he was the man he was always supposed to be, the man she was destined to love.

«Are you ok?" He asked her, frowning as she realized her eyes were suddenly filled with tears.

She nodded and pulled his forehead against hers.

«Yes…. better than ever…» She said, as her lips brushed lightly against his nose, his jaw, then his mouth.

«I've never been with someone else other than…» She started to confess but he cut her off.

«I've never been with someone special. I mean, someone I love…so I guess this is something new for both of us…» He told her, as his hands started to travel across her body again.

She nodded in agreement and she couldn't help but to smile.

«I owe you so much Abby…» He whispered against her collarbone, his fingers brushing along the curve of her breast.

«You taught me to have hope, you taught me to trust, you taught me to love…I could never…» He continued, one of his hands sliding behind her back to unclasp her bra.

«You taught me that people can change, you taught me that I can love again, you taught me that someone…You…can make me feel this way again…We have learned from each other Marcus and we don't have to keep score.» She told him, as her hands forced him to look at her again.

«And if you really want to thank me then do it now…Do it with your mouth, do it with your hands, do it with all of your body…» She murmured, her gaze hot with desire.

He stared at her right into her eyes for a second and then swooped on her now free breast.

«I will…» He said before taking her nipple fully into his mouth.

«I swear to God, I will Abby…» He said again in a tone, which sounded like a vow.

«Every single day until our last day on earth…» He added, punctuating each word by a hot open-mouth kiss on her breast.

«Good to know…» She hummed as she arched her back in pleasure.

After that, none of them wanted to speak again, or rather couldn't speak again. His mouth was traveling, tasting, enjoying every part of her skin, even the most intimate places and the only sound that could get out of her throat was moans. He was licking, suckling, nibbling at her most sensitive area and she was lost. She couldn't think, she couldn't reason anymore. All she could do was feel. Feeling his tongue teasing her, feeling his beard tickling her skin, feeling his hot breath warming her up. Feeling him sending her over the edge all over again.

When she was finally wet enough, trembling and panting he allowed himself to remove his own pants and underwear. She immediately reached for his shoulders and pulled him down for a heart-stopping kiss.

She let her hand slide between their bodies and grabbed firmly at his hardness. She started to stroke the tip of his cock and flashes of electricity traveled through her whole body at each of his groans. She liked that, hearing his pleasure, hearing the pleasure she gave him.

«God I want you so much…» He breathed as she felt his body tense above hers.

«Then have me Marcus…. have me…. now…» She whispered, as her hips raised to meet his with eagerness.

He bent his head to kiss her again and in a heartbeat, he was inside her. He was in the place he was supposed to be, in a place she wanted him to be for so long.

«Oh my…Yes…» She moaned, unable to keep quiet at the feeling of him inside her.

It was almost too good to be true. For a second she wondered if all of this was a dream. He had barely started to fill her and she felt already complete. She felt dizzy and ecstatic. Her nails dug into his shoulders and she wrapped her thighs around his hips to take him in completely.

«You'll be the end of me…» He said before suckling savagely at her pulse-point.

«And you'll be mine… She answered him in a quick breath as he started to move.

She could feel him smiling against her skin and she had to repress the tears, which came to her eyes again. After all this time she had forgotten how it felt to be happy. Truly happy, just happy. For a second she hated herself for being so laughably highly-sensitive but how couldn't she not be? He was supposed to be dead and she was supposed to never know how it felt like to be in his arms, to feel him inside her. But now he was there and despite the war going on, they still had the time to enjoy each other, to savor each other's touch, each other's kisses.

«Love me Marcus…Love me like if it was our last day…» She begged him as her hands, now on his back, incited him to go deeper, harder.

And then he did. One of his arms slid behind the small of her back as he wrapped his other around her shoulders. They were so pressed against each other than even the air couldn't pass between their bodies. He thrust into her again and again and again. He thrust into her with all the strength, the love and the craving he had.

He was murmuring things into her ear but her brain was blank and she couldn't register something else than the fire that was growing in her lower belly. Nothing could be better than that. Nothing better than making love with Marcus Kane. Even the City of Light described by Jaha, with no pain, with no suffering, couldn't be as good as the feeling of Marcus moving inside her.

Her moans became louder as his body responded to hers. She was in heaven. Her heart was beating so fast that without her ribcage it probably would have jumped out her chest. She could barely breathe but it was so perfect that she didn't want it to stop. She wanted to feel this, to feel Marcus' body against hers for the rest of her life.

He continued to slam into her and she met each of his thrust halfway until she came. Hard. Like she never did before. In a heartbeat, he followed her with a low groan and he collapsed into her arms, sweaty and as breathless as her.

«I want to do this again…» He said against the skin of her shoulder and she couldn't help but burst out laughing.

«Oh we will…» She promised him as she stroked lovingly at his hair and gave him a soft kiss on his temple.


	6. Pyrotechnic love

**One-shot, Marcus & Abby share a moment under a fireworks display. Thank you so much to minerrvas for her help and to artisan-kom-kabbykru for her support !**

"This is a bad idea," Abby said with a sigh as she arrived at the top of the ladder.

Marcus turned toward her and offered her his hand to help her to get up on the roof of the Alpha Station.

"You worry too much," he answered with a tender smile as he started to pull her up, one of her hands in his and one of his arms around her waist.

Abby grabbed his shoulder for leverage and let him bear her until she was standing on the roof. She was about to pull away from him, but her attention got caught by something behind him.

She hadn't come back here from the first time in her life, she had felt the warmth of the sun on her face. From the first time in her life, she had been able to breathe without feeling guilty. From for the first time in her life, she had finally felt totally free and alive.

The view was even more magnificent than she'd remembered. This time, the nature was plunged in darkness, but the reflection of the moon on the calm lake and the starry sky offered a breathtaking shade of dark colors.

"I forgot how beautiful the view is here," she murmured, as if she was afraid that her voice could break the spell of the landscape as her hand slid absent-mindedly against Marcus' chest.

"Still a bad idea?" Marcus asked with a smirk.

Abby came back to reality and frowned, looking at him.

"A really bad idea," she confirmed as she took a step back and crossed her arms over her chest.

Marcus let out a sigh and shook his head, aggrieved.

"Raven has promised to ensure that the boys won't do anything dangerous. She has already checked everything three times. And Lexa is there, no one could blame us if it set fire to the forest," he argued more seriously this time.

Abby glared at him for a few seconds, still doubtful. The last time the youth had sent fireballs into the sky, they had started a war that could have cost them their lives.

"Every piece of ash will fall onto the lake, there is no risk. Neither for us nor for anyone," he assured her before kneeling down to spread a sleeping bag across the floor.

Abby watched him quietly, far from being totally convinced by his answer. Beyond the risk of fire, there was also the possibility that a child might get seriously injured during the firing of the explosive charges.

"I should have stayed with them. Suppose that one of them is injured. If the charges explode at the wrong time or–" she started to object with agitation.

"Hey!" he cut her off softly, grabbing her wrist to draw her attention.

"It's okay, Abby. They know what to do. For once, just for once, sit down and enjoy the moment," he pleaded, looking at her right in the eyes.

The woman looked at his hand on her wrist then stared at him a few seconds, hesitant.

"Please," he added with a lower tone, letting his hand slide against hers to grab her fingers and squeeze it lightly.

This time, Abby nodded almost imperceptibly, then sat down beside him, her legs against her chest and her arms around her knees.

"It feels strange to be here again," she said in a low voice after a long moment of silence.

Marcus looked at her for a second, then nodded.

"I feel you," he whispered with a sad smile at the corner of his lips.

"Sometimes I feel like everything we experienced before opening this hatch never existed, as if the life on the Ark was ultimately nothing more than a nightmare… As if the most of my life was just a succession of bad memories," he said, staring into the vastness of the sky above them.

Abby looked at him quietly. A part of herself felt the same way. It was as if even her fondest memories, every moment of pure happiness she had shared with Clarke and Jake, were colored gray in her mind. As if they were altered, obstructed, by all the unjust death, by all the privations, by the omnipresent icy cold of the space. And yet that life had existed. She had loved her husband with all her heart. She had spent a wonderful time with him and her daughter. All of this was well and truly real, because today she could still feel the emptiness that Jake's death had left in her heart. A part of her died on the Ark that day, like a part of Marcus died along with the three hundred people sacrificed for the greater good.

"Do you think that one day we can forgive ourselves?" she asked, subconsciously stroking the necklace she wore around her neck.

Marcus turned his head toward her and put his hand on her knee. He seemed to take a moment of reflection before answering.

"Forgive, perhaps, forget, never…," he answered with a sad smile, staring right into her eyes.

Abby shuddered and, in that moment, she couldn't say if it was because of the night's chill or his soft touch.

She stared at him and couldn't help but realize how much he had changed. He no longer was the cold and arrogant man she had known in the past. The man she had hated so much, it was almost irrational. In retrospect, she sometimes wondered if she had judged him unfairly, if he hadn't just been the perfect person to blame for all the horrible things she hadn't been able to prevent on the Ark. Building impenetrable walls around his heart may ultimately have been the only way for him to survive? To face that unbearable life?

Anyway, those walls had fallen and there was nothing cold that came from him now, in fact, quite the contrary. The way he listened to her, watched her, touched her now had nothing to do with what their relationship had been.

"Why did you bring me here?" she suddenly asked, unable to hold back any longer the question which was burning on her tongue.

Abby felt the hand on her knee starting to escape, but she prevented it by laying her hand on his. Marcus seemed caught off-guard and his gaze became shifty.

"I thought the view would be more beautiful here," he answered, his eyes fixed on the horizon.

He let a few seconds pass and then looked at her again.

"And I wanted to share it with you," he added with a shy smile at the corner of his lips.

Abby felt her heart skip a beat and remained speechless, her eyes on his face. She didn't expect this kind of answer and she couldn't say how she really felt at this moment. She didn't know what it really meant and what she wanted it to mean. Marcus was her fellow councilor, her supporter, her friend, her confidante, but sometimes she felt like he was more than all that.

Sometimes she wanted more than a cheering hand on her arm. Sometimes she wanted more than a goodnight in front of the door of her quarters. Sometimes she wanted more than a warm smile and a sultry stare at the end of the hallway. But sometimes, when he was so close to her that she could feel his breath on her face, she would be overrun by fear. Fear of the future, fear of opening up again to someone else, fear of losing one more person she cared about.

"I think we deserve a moment of calm, don't you think?" he quickly added, as if he had noticed her discomfort.

"Yes," she agreed as she put her hands behind her and let the weight of her body rest on her wrists.

Marcus did the same and his shoulder brushed against hers. She felt a chill running down her spine, but she didn't move. Quite the contrary, she let herself lean a little more against him. She closed her eyes and inhale deeply. She enjoyed the breeze against her face and the calm of the night.

"I'm glad you brought me here," she finally conceded in a whisper.

"I'm glad you stayed," he responded in a low voice as she felt his breath on her temple.

She opened her eyes and turned slightly her head toward him. He was looking at her with this warm brown eyes and she suddenly felt like she was running out of air. She swallowed hard and let her gaze fall briefly on his lips. He did the same and for a moment she almost forgot how to breathe.

For the first time in years, she stopped thinking and let her instinct take over. On the Ark it was just about surviving, but now, on Earth, it was time to live. Inch by inch, her body leaned toward him as he stayed still, as if he was waiting for her to make the first move.

As she felt his lips started to brush almost imperceptibly against hers, a low rumbling sound broke the silence and startled them both.

Abby instinctively looked up at the sky and she remained dumbfounded. In all her life, she had never seen anything so wonderful. Thousands of small red and silver lights were overwhelming the sky before cascading above the darkness of the lake.

She felt her heart starting to race in rhythm with the explosions and uncontrollable chills ran through her whole body. Suddenly, whistling resonated in the night and a blast of color and light flooded the sky.

"It's so beautiful," she said, totally amazed.

"Beautiful, yes," Marcus whispered back.

Abby turned her head toward him and realized that he was looking at her. She stared at him for a moment, just long enough to see the lights of the fireworks reflected on his skin. Without thinking any more, she laid her hand on his cheek and pressed her lips against his.

Probably surprised, Marcus didn't respond at first to her kiss, but when she sensually sucked at his lower lip, she heard him moan despite the deafening detonations. A second later, his hand grabbed the back of her head and he kissed her back. Abby opened her lips and allowed him to deepen the kiss, languorously. While their tongues slid against each other, stroked each other, tamed each other, Abby let herself be carried away by her emotions. Without hesitation, she wrapped her arms around Marcus' neck and sat on his lap, her knees on either side of his thighs.

"Abby," Marcus breathed against her lips as his arms came around her waist to press her further against himself.

Abby couldn't help but smile. She kissed him again and again and started to play with the hair at the back of his head. On the Ark, his hair had always been gelled. His hairstyle had always been so impeccable that it had almost been scary. But now, now she loved his hair, she loved the way it curled slightly along his head and the way it fell down on his forehead.

She felt a delectable warmth begin to invade her lower belly as Marcus' fingers started to run along her sides. It felt like they were in a bubble, in a decompression chamber, and for a moment, Abby wondered if the thuds which resonated in her ears were because of the fireworks or the anarchic beats of her heart.

Breathless, she broke the kiss and rested her forehead against his.

"We're gonna miss the show," Marcus whispered, short of breath.

Abby laid her hands on his cheeks and rubbed softly her nose against his.

"I don't care," she murmured as she let her lips brush up against his once more.

She saw him swallowing hard and, despite the flashes of red and green light which were reflected in his eyes, she could discern some of confusion.

"Are you okay?" she asked frowning, suddenly afraid of having done something wrong.

He didn't answer immediately. He just stared at her, his mouth half-opened.

Abby felt a flash of fear strike her. Maybe she had been wrong. Maybe she had been imagining things that didn't exist. Maybe he saw her just as a friend and nothing more. She started to pull back, but he didn't let her by grabbing her waist more firmly.

"I'm fine. I'm really really fine, it's just–" he started to say, but he stopped himself and tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear.

"When I asked you to come here with me, I didn't think that we could… I mean, I'm not saying that I have never imagined this, but you know…You're… you and I'll always be the man who hurt you so many times…," he confessed with shifty eyes.

Abby felt her heart tighten in her chest. She hated to hear him blaming himself for the past, but she perfectly knew how he felt because sometimes, she felt exactly the same way. She didn't deny it because he was right. He had hurt her and no words could never change that. So she just put a finger under his chin and gently lifted his head.

She caught his gaze for a few seconds and then kissed him again. Softly. Lovingly. Her lips just brushing slowly against his.

With soft pressure of her body, she invited him to lay back on the floor. Marcus let himself be guided and started to respond again to her kiss.

Above them, the stars were still lost among thousands of incandescent flashes of light. The sounds of explosions became louder and louder and Abby felt like she could feel them resonate inside her whole body. Some exclamations of the crowd from the lake's edges were now audible and she thought that the show should be even more magnificent than a few minutes ago, but she didn't care.

She didn't care because she didn't want to stop feeling Marcus's strong body underneath hers. She didn't want to stop kissing his lips and feeling his firm hands roll up along her spine. She didn't want to stop showing him how much she didn't care anymore about the past, about what he had or hadn't done.

"And you'll always be the man who didn't stop holding my hand for eight hours, too," she whispered with a tender smile before pressing her lips softly against his cheek, against his forehead then against his other cheek.

Marcus stared at her quietly for a few seconds, then took her hand in his with a grateful smile and kissed each finger, one by one, before leaving a warm kiss on her palm.

Abby closed her eyes and took a deep breath as she felt his mouth starting to run along her arm. He started to suck gently at the inside of her wrist, then pressed his lips on the inside of her elbow. Finally, he pushed her back gently to sit up and bury his mouth at the hollow of her neck.

"I could have done it for years," he breathed against her bare skin and she let out a small whimper.

She could feel her pulse tapping against her throat and her lower belly catching fire. Her arms were now wrapped around his neck for balance and mostly to keep him as close as possible. Slowly, she began to move her hips against his. She didn't think about it, it was like a reflex, a natural move of her body. At first, it was just a light touch, a soft friction of clothes but when his fingers started to ghost along the hem of her shirt she couldn't help but intensify the movement of her hips.

Immediately she heard Marcus moan loudly before he grabbed the back of her head and kiss her eagerly. She parted her lips and reached for his tongue with her own. As long as she could remember, she had never particularly been a french-kiss woman. She had loved kissing Jake, feeling his mouth brush against her lips and feeling his tongue stroke softly against hers, but it had always been gentle, sweet and tender. But now, now in Marcus' arms, she wanted more, she needed more. She needed to feel everything he could give her. She let her tongue take over his mouth and started to explore every inch of it. It felt like they were making love just with their mouth, lips, tongues and teeth. It was like each new explosion of colored light around them increased the desire which was burning through their veins.

Without even realizing it, Abby was rubbing herself more and more frantically against Marcus' half-erection and fortunately the sounds which were escaping them both were covered by the detonations of the firework and the exclamations of the captivated crowd.

Abby was in another world. A world where only Marcus' hands, mouth and body mattered. A world where she didn't shiver because of the breeze but because of Marcus' fingers along the side of her breasts under her shirt. A world where she didn't smell the smoke of the firework, but only the intoxicating smell of his heated skin. A world where she didn't hear the deflagration in the sky, but only Marcus's groan at each twist of her hips.

"We…We should stop…," he gasped breathlessly after a few more minutes of hot making out, yet without stopping to trace the curve of her breast with his fingers.

"Yes…Yes, we should…," Abby breathed before kissing him again, even more, harder, her nails scratching the back of his neck.

"I need you to… to stop first because I… I just can't," he confessed as he attacked the soft skin of her neck once more.

"Nor can I," she breathed as she threw her head back and guided his head lower and lower until his mouth met the valley between her breasts.

She couldn't stop. She wasn't able to pull back and spurn him. It was too good. Too exhilarating. Too thrilling. Kissing him, feeling his hands and his mouth on her wasn't enough, couldn't be enough, would never be enough.

"So, I think we have a problem," he murmured against her skin before nuzzling slowly along the V of her shirt, breathing her in.

"Yes, we do," she agreed with a smile between gasps as she arched her back, craving for more.

"The fireworks will be over soon, they will be looking for us," he said, but despite his words, his touch was getting more and more insistent, bolder and bolder.

He tugged at her shirt to expose the swell of her breasts even more and let his tongue stroke the edge of her bra. She could feel his breath becoming heavier and the proof of his desire in his pants becoming undeniably obvious against her core.

"I know," she breathed reluctantly before kissing the top of his head then pulling back slightly to look him right in the eyes.

Marcus lifted up his head and stole one more kiss.

"It felt unreal," he whispered, staring at her.

Abby arched an eyebrow and brushed the back of her fingers against his cheek.

"What?" she asked softly.

"All of this… The fireworks, our people safe and alive on the ground, the peace with the grounders…," he answered as his gaze rolled over all around them.

"You kissing me," he added, his eyes flicking avidly to her lips.

A bright smile lit up Abby's face. She ran her hand through his hair and then gently stroked his beard.

"I can do more than that," she teased him, her mouth near his ear.

She heard him repress a harsh groan as she felt his fingers tighten against the flesh of her hips. Before even realizing it, she was on her back and he was on top of her. Above him, the lights were whirling and spiraling in the sky, but the only thing she was aware of was the desire which was burning in his eyes. He stared hungrily at her a few more seconds and then captured her lips once more in a bruising, heated kiss.

Abby immediately locked her arms around his neck and wrapped her legs around his waist to incite him to lay fully on top of her. She wanted to feel the weight of his strong body against her. She was craving, yearning for the feeling of his firm muscles all around her.

She didn't have to ask for it, Marcus's hands were now mapping every part of her body he could reach. She could feel his fingers slide along her arms, her side, then her upper thighs. His gesture was slow, but confident and firm. He was gentle like always with her, but she could perceive a new side of him, more audacious, more passionate, fierier and it set her on fire.

She wanted nothing more but to get to know this side of Marcus Kane even more, but the applause which suddenly resonated from downstairs announced the end of their little moment of privacy.

"Time's over," she hissed reluctantly as Marcus' fingers were stroking the bare skin at the edge of her waistband.

Marcus grumbled and nipped softly at the crook of her neck. She enjoyed his touches and his kisses for a few more seconds, then found the strength to push him back until she could sit. She looked at his face and couldn't help but chuckle softly.

"What?" he asked with a frown.

"Your hair is messy," she said as she tried to deal with a stubborn strand of his hair.

"Who's to blame?" he teased her with a smirk.

Abby rolled her eyes, but kept a warm smile at the corner of her lips.

"Come here," she whispered as she pulled his head toward hers for another quick peck.

"Let's go!" she finally said as she got up and started walking toward the ladder.

* * *

When they arrived in the courtyard a few minutes later with flushed cheeks and swollen lips, Abby saw Raven walk toward them with a large smile on her face. Undoubtedly, she was proud of herself and her work with the firework.

"So! Did you two enjoy the show?" she asked with a soft and arrogant smirk.

Abby gave Marcus a quick look and tried to keep a straight face. In fact, she didn't have neither the time nor the urge to watch some lights in the sky while Marcus' lips and hands were wandering all over her body.

"Sure!" they answered both at the same time.

Raven's smile faded a little as her gaze seemed to become a little suspicious.

"Which part did you like the most?" she asked them, her eyes scanning them.

Abby suddenly felt uncomfortable and she looked to Marcus, hoping to find some help. Unfortunately, he was as unable as her to answer this trick question.

"Oh god, I knew it!" Raven exclaimed after a few seconds as she shook her head.

"We worked really hard to do that, you know! You could at least have…," she said, exasperated.

"Raven," Abby cut her off in a low voice as she was looking around them to check whether anyone else could hear her.

"Anyway, forget it! If you prefer making out like teenagers instead of admiring a perfect and brilliant pyrotechnic show, that's your choice!" she added with a mocking tone.

"We didn't—" Marcus started to deny but Raven huffed out a laugh, loudly.

"You're such a bad liar, Kane! She still has the mark of your beard on her skin!" she retorted as she lifted an eyebrow before turning around.

"Raven!" Abby called after her.

"Don't worry, your secret is safe with me!" she added as she walked away from them.

They both remained motionless as they watched the girl joining the crowd.

"Safe for how long ?", Marcus finally asked, his eyes still focus on the mechanic.

A smile stretched Abby's lips and she watched him out the corner of her eyes.

"Do you care ?", she asked him, her fingers brushing slightly against the back of his hands.

"Do you ?" he asked her back, seriously.

"No," she answered without any hesitation, looking at him straight in the eyes.

"Good. Me neither," he informed her as his face seemed to light up.

Abby stared at him while the same warmth as a few minutes ago was taking over her body again.

"If that's so…" she said in a lower tone with a mischievous smile as she started to step backward.

"Where were we ?", she teased him as she reached for his hand and dragged him with her toward an out of sight dark corner.


	7. The calm after the storm

**Prompt : Hi :) Can you write a post-S3 prompt where Abby and Kane are sharing their first night together ?**

 **Thank you so much to tinkbooklover for her help !**

It happened around twenty-eight hours after the end of the City of light. Abby was standing in the middle of the improvised hospital on the first floor of the commander's tower. She was cleaning some of the medical instrument, with an empty stomach and being on her feet for uncountable hours of emergency treatment in. She didn't even realize what was happening. Her head didn't spin, her vision didn't blur. Her whole body finally failed her and she just fell heavily on the ground.

When she woke up a few hours, which felt like a hundred years, later, the first thing she was aware of was the softness of the mattress beneath her and the warmth of the blanket on her skin. Every part of her body ached but for the first time in a long time ago she felt alive again. She took a deep breath and stretched out. At this moment she realized that she was in the same room that she had been in on the day she had waited to see her daughter again. She was in Lexa's bedroom and a hundred candle were lightening the space. How did she end up there ? She closed her eyes and tried to remember, in vain. She remembered the dozens of wounds, the dozens of broken bones, the dozens of bloody chips. She remembered the sobs, the tears, the cries. She remembered the horrified, ashamed and chagrined faces. But she didn't remember leaving the makeshift hospital.

The atmosphere around her smelled like rose petal and pine tree. She opened her eyes again and realized that it wasn't the atmosphere but her. It was her hair and her body which smelled like rose petal and pine tree. Someone had washed her and dressed her in a smooth off-white silk robe. _Clarke_ ! She thought immediately and she felt ashamed. Her daughter had taken care of her, it should have been the other way around. The memory of her pleas, of the cold metal cutting into her skin, of her eyes shining with tears made her feel sick again. She had hurt her and she hadn't been strong enough to protect her own child. Tears started to fill her eyes again but a rustle drew her attention.

She sat up in the bed, contorted with pain and saw a familiar shape facing the vast window, just a few steps from her. A strange mixture of sadness and relief seemed to fill her heart at the same time and for a moment she wasn't able to move. She just stared at the bare white skin and the muscular back which were exposed to her. Despite everything she had done to him, he was there, Marcus was there, watching over her unconscious body.

 _I love you_ , she wanted to say. _I love you and I'm so sorry_ , she wanted to shout. But she didn't. She didn't because it wasn't their way. It wasn't their way to communicate. Instead, she finally found the strength to pull the covers off and get out of the bed. She immediately missed the warmth of it but that didn't stop her because she was craving for another type of warmth.

Slowly, carefully, she walked toward Marcus, the floor cold under her bare feet. She halted a few inches behind him and hesitated to reach for his arm. His muscles were tense. He was lost in thought, his eyes closed and his forehead pressed against the back of his hand which was laying against the window. She saw the bandages wrapped around his wrists and she felt her heart break into a thousand piece, once more. She bit her lips, preventing a sob from escaping her throat and tried to pull herself together. They were both broken and shattered but it wasn't the time to let it out. She was, without a doubt, needed in the makeshift hospital so she had to dress and go back to work.

« Marcus,» she whispered, startled by how hoarse her voice sounded.

Marcus jumped a little and turned toward her, anxiety written all over his face.

«What are you doing up?», he asked with a note of reproach in his voice as his hand came to support her elbow as if he was afraid to see her fall.

«I have to go back to work. Where are my clothes?» she said stubbornly as she turned her head and looked around.

«They keep them,», he answered with a sigh.

Abby glared at him, arching an interrogative eyebrow. She didn't want to be aggressive toward Marcus but she was thin-skinned due to previous events and patience had never been one of her virtues. She needed to work. She needed to do something to keep her mind occupied because otherwise, she would not be able to fight against all the unbearable memories which flooded her thoughts.

«They?», she asked, clearly annoyed.

«Lexa's maids. They took care of you while you were unconscious. Their probably are washing them. Just like mine,» he explained in a measured voice as his thumb was brushing the back of her elbow softly like he was trying to cool her down.

«I'm sure they left something else somewhere. Did you check in the closets?» she asked with haste.

«No they didn't,» he assured, tightening his grip on her elbow as she was about to go checking herself.

«Clarke told them not to,» he added before pressing his lips together.

«Clarke ? Why ?» she took offense, frowning.

«She wants you to rest. She put two warriors in front of the door to make sure you don't leave the room.», he explained, uncomfortable.

«This is absurd. I'm fine ! I have patients to see, I–» she started to object vigorously but Marcus cut her off by cupping her cheek.

«Abby, you passed out. You're not fine !», he tried to reason her in a gentle voice.

«So, you're my third jailer ?» she retorted, lifting her chin, provocative.

Marcus shook is head softly as a small smile stretched the corner of his mouth.

«No. I'm stuck here too,» he informed her as his smile turned slowly into a grimace.

«Why ?» she asked, this time with more concern than annoyance.

Marcus closed his eyes for a second then take a deep breath.

«I…I punched Thelonius…,» he confessed, shamefully.

Abby stared at him, astounded, her mouth half-opened.

«You punched him ?» she repeated as the words were making sense in her mind.

«Yes. After you passed out he… He tried to take you from Bellamy's arms and… I saw red,» he explained with shifty eyes.

Abby remained speechless. She didn't know what to say. To be honest, she was herself angry at Thelonius even if the rational part of her brain was telling her that he was just one more victim of ALIE. His memories and his free will had been taken away from him too, she knew that, but sometimes she couldn't help thinking that she had hurt Clarke, hurt Marcus, killed a man because of him. Because he was too weak to face the world as it was.

She leaned against Marcus' hand on her cheek and laid her own on his forearm. She could see his anger, his pain, his shame… She could see it in the way his jaw was clenched, in the way he was now staring at the floor and in the way his bottom lips was shaking slightly.

«He has no right to touch you, not anymore, not after…,» he started to speak again but then he looked at her and he stopped abruptly, wide-eyed.

Something changed in the way he was now staring at her. His face twisted unexpectedly in horror.

«Who I am to say that ? I tried to kill you too, I shouldn't…» he whispered, clearly speaking to himself as he hastened to step backward.

Even if they weren't connected by the A.I anymore, Abby knew immediately what he was thinking about. Clarke's arrest, the Airlock, the shock-lashing, so many ghosts of the past which were still haunting them.

«Yes you did,» she agreed with a sad smile on her lips, before taking a step toward him and reaching for his hand.

«But Marcus, there is a difference between you and Thelonious,» she kept talking, looking at him right in the eyes as she squeezed his fingers lightly.

«I… I want to be touched by you. I want to be held by you. I want to be kissed by you. I mean, only if that's what you want too,» she told him with a shy and warm smile at the corner of her lips.

Marcus blinked several times and then nodded vigorously.

«Is that what you want ?» she asked him, not to be sure but because she needed to hear his answer.

«Of course that's what I want,» he asserted, his voice husky and clear.

Abby felt her heart tighten in her chest, but this time, in a good way. She hadnt felt these kind of feelings since the day his lips first touched hers. The kind of excitement in the pit of her stomach. The kind of shivers at the back of her neck. The kind of true joy overwhelming her whole body.

When she had woken up in the throne room she had felt like she would never be happy again. It was like as if the City of light had taken everything from her and that only the bad feelings like pain, fear, shame, had been returned to her. But at this moment, in front of him, in front of this man she had fallen for before even realizing it, she felt hope finding its place in her heart again.

They stared at each other, quietly. It was like they were both hesitant to take the first step. His hand was still in hers so, unable to wait any longer, Abby decided to just let go. She kept her eyes fixed on his and held his fingers against her mouth. She didn't kiss them, she just brushed softly her lips along for a few seconds. She was aware of the bandages around his wrist but she didn't look at it because she didn't want to evaporate the sensation of pure happiness and peace that Marcus was giving to her. She took one more step toward him and laid her other hand on his cheek before starting to trace each line of his face with her fingertips.

Marcus closed his eyes and she saw him swallowing hard. For a split second, a flash of fear struck her. She didn't intend to push him around, to make him feel uncomfortable with her touches but she realized that ALIE's handling was still floating around them. She was about to pull back but Marcus didn't let her, he closed the gap between them and pressed his forehead against hers. She felt his arms wrapped around her tiny frame and then he was holding her tight against his chest. She let out a sigh of relief as her hands were found their place on his bare back.

This time, it was his turn to make the next step. Slowly, he rubbed his nose against her face, chasing her lips before pulling back and doing it again, as if he was afraid to capture them. Abby gave him time. She waited patiently, her fingertips sliding lightly along his spine, her mouth half-opened, ready for his kiss. At each move he was closer and closer, at each move she thought it was finally the right time, at each move she felt his breath caressing her lips, at each move she was craving for him even more but each time he stopped. He did it again until she realized that he was smirking.

«Are you teasing me ?» she whispered as she pressed her body harder against him.

«Is it working ?» he asked in turn, playfully.

«Yes» she confessed with a chuckle.

It was unrealistic but so pleasant to hear him playing with her right now. She needed this, she realized. She needed the frivolity of this moment because she was tired of drama. She had had enough drama for a hundred years at least. She wanted to smile. She wanted him to smile. She wanted them to learn to laugh again, to live again. To really live not just survive.

«Good,» he breathed with a satisfied smile before crashing his lips against hers.

Abby melted into his embrace and didn't wait to deepen the kiss. She felt one of his hand laid on the small of her back while the other cupped her face, his tongue was twisting around hers. He was gentle and passionate at the same time. He was all she wanted him to be. On the Ark, they were like strangers to each other. They didn't understand each other and didn't want to, but now, now they just matched.

He sucked at her bottom lips and she was lost. Her legs were like jelly and her heart was beating so fast and so hard in her chest that for a moment she wondered if she was about to pass out again. She could kiss him for hours, for days, for months, for years! She loved the way his beard was scratching slightly the skin of her face, she loved the way his smell was invading her senses, she loved the way his tongue was teasing her own, she loved the way she felt so safe in his strong arms. She loved everything about him. She was completly in love with him.

She wanted to tell him so but she wasn't sure that he was ready to hear it. She didn't want to push him, to scare him, to make him feel like if he was forced to tell her back. One day she'll tell him. She will tell him in front of a sunrise or during a cold winter's night, no matter, she knew she will, but just not today. She didn't want to tell him because she was afraid to lose him or because she wanted to make him feel better. She wanted to tell him because they were happy and safe and so deeply in love that she couldn't help it anymore. The day will come, sooner or later but it will. She knew it because she had hope, hope in him, hope in them, hope in love.

They kissed until they both ran out of breath. They kissed until their limbs were on fire. They kissed until they had to choose between stopping or passing out. Short of breath, they hold each other so tight than even the air couldn't pass between their bodies.

Abby buried her face in his neck and breathed him in, deeply. The time passed and they remained like this, wrapped in each other arms, just enjoying each other presence.

«I think Clarke is hiding something,» Marcus finally said as his fingers still brushing lightly against her hair.

«Do you think she will run away again ?» Abby asked, suddenly worried again, after pulling back to look at him properly.

Marcus shook his head and rubbed his thumb gently against her cheekbone.

«No. Not this time. It's just a feeling. Like I had about you when you…You know…When you did what you always did on the Ark,» he explained with a note of amusement in his voice.

A small smile tugged at the corner of Abby's mouth as she nodded.

«I think Bellamy knows what it is,» he added, more seriously as he looked at the window.

«At least… If you're right… They are in this together,» she said as she let her hand slide against his pectoral.

Marcus looked down at her again and she gave him a cheering smile. She was as worried as him but she knew her daughter and she knew that she won't tell them what she was on her mind until she was ready. Either way they were stuck in this room, probably until tomorrow morning so they were helpless for now.

Marcus stared at her a few seconds then leaned toward her and gave her a quick kiss.

«Yes,» he agreed in a whisper against her lips.

«You should go back to bed. I'll wake you up as soon as we can leave, I promise,» he said, removing gently a strand of hair from her face.

«You have to sleep too Marcus,» she retorted with a warm voice.

«I'm fine,» he answered as he shook his head.

Abby arched an eyebrow and then bit her bottom lips as she nodded.

«Ok, so I'll keep you company,» she said with a hint of bravado as she crossed her arms over her chest.

«Abby,» he sighed but she could see the shadow of a smile crossing his lips.

«Come on, I don't like to beg,» she insisted as she reached for his hand.

«You never beg, you give orders,» he reminded her, playfully.

 _I begged to say goodbye to you_ , she thought bitterly but she quickly chased away the painful memory.

«Then consider it as an order,» she replied firmly as she started to walk toward the bed, dragging him with her.

This time, he didn't complain and followed her without resistance. She climbed onto the bed and crawled under the covers, leaving enough place for him to join her.

At first, it felt strange to share this kind of intimacy with somebody again. Marcus was lying on his back, his arms by his side and she could feel his discomfort. In a way, she felt the same. Yes, they had kissed, they had held each other but even so, it was very different to sharing a bed. She closed her eyes and tried to get to sleep but she could feel the heat of his body next to her and it broke her concentration. She wanted, needed to touch him but she knew that if she did she wouldn't be able to stop.

Despite that, she turned her head toward him and swallowed hard as she saw him staring at her. He seemed as torn as her. He gave her a shy smile and she couldn't help but slide slowly toward him. He rolled on his side and let his hand lay on her hips, pulling her even closer.

«One last kiss,» she murmured, her mouth an inch from his.

Marcus hummed in approval as she pressed her lips against his, in a soft and loving kiss. They started slowly, languishing, but after a few seconds, it wasn't enough anymore. Abby pressed herself harder against him and let out a whimper in his mouth as she felt his fingers tighten on her hips.

They couldn't do this, not now, not when they were still recovering but without knowing how, she ended up on top of him, her hands rolling all over his bare chest and her mouth devouring his. It was happening too fast, too soon but she wasn't in control anymore, neither was he. Their body have been craving this for so long that they were now unstoppable. Her hips started to move subtly and circularly against his. It wasn't deliberate, not really, it was just a natural reflex of her body, something she couldn't help, couldn't curb but it was so different that the way she felt under ALIE's control. It was so different because all of her movements were, now, dictated by her own emotions. She was kissing him with love. She was touching him with care. She was rubbing herself against him with desire. She was literally burning with emotions.

Marcus seemed to be feeling the same way because he suddenly grabbed the back of her thighs and sat up. Driven by passion, he buried his face in her neck and kissed every inch of skin he could reach. And that's when it happened. Abby hissed in pain as he was sucking at a bruised part along her carotid. The reality of what had or could have happened crash down onto them again.

She felt him freeze and he pulled back, mortified.

«I..I'm so sorry Abby…I», he started to mumble in horror but she cut him off by grabbing firmly his face with her both hands.

«It's okay,» she reassured him in a whisper.

«I'm okay,» she added in a murmur, staring into his eyes.

Besides her soothing words, he still looked at her crazed and she felt his grip on her thighs loosen. The pain seemed to darken his face again and it wasn't something she could bear. She knew that they couldn't cross this line tonight, not with exhausted and injured bodies but it didn't mean that they couldn't take care of each other either. So she pushed her hair back behind her shoulders and without breaking eyes-contact she took one of his hhands in hers and invited him to lay it gently on her neck. Marcus let himself be guided by her, even if she could feel his fingers shaking slightly when his fingertips first brushed softly against her bruised neck.

«We're gonna be okay,» she breathed as she guided his touch along her jawbone and then along her carotid.

Little by little, she felt him relax and saw his gaze lighten afresh.

«Yes, we will, together,» he whispered as she kept going to guide his hand with her own, lower and lower until his fingers started to graze slightly along the collar of her robe.

She stopped a second and with her other hand she pushed slowly aside the thin fabric, revealing her bare shoulder. She saw him swallowing hard and it brought a soft smile to her lips. This time, she didn't need to guide his hand, he let his fingers trail along her collar bone and then envelope her shoulder in his palm. His thumb rubbed a few seconds against her shivering skin and then he bent his head and kiss the junction between her shoulder and her neck. Abby closed her eyes and hummed deeply. She was craving for passion but tenderness was what they needed most now. She tilted her head and let the side of it resting against the top of his skull. His kisses were like a summer breeze against her skin. He stayed there for a while, avoiding going any higher where the bruises were still painful. She melted completely into his embrace and felt the fatigue creeping up on her.

Marcus must have felt her exhaustion because he carefully laid back again and pulled her with him.

«Time to sleep,» he whispered as he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her forehead.

Abby nodded sleepily against his chest but slipped her hand between them and reached for the belt of her robe. She felt him catch his breath in anticipation as she freed her upper body from its silk protection.

«I just need to feel your skin against mine,» she informed him in a murmur as she huddled against him, her now bare breasts against his hard chest and her face buried in his neck as his fingers began to move back and forth along her spine.

Abby sight happily, her body shivering slightly under the caress before falling asleep, feeling safe and content in his arms.


	8. First choice

**Prompt: "could I ever be anyone's first choice?" "You were always my first choice"**

 **Sorry for the wait ! It's not exactly what you asked for but I couldn't imagine Abby nor Marcus asking out loud for something like that so I kept the idea but it's different. I hope you like it even so. Thank you to tinkbooklover for her correction !**

 **Sequel to "The calm after the storm"**

Soon after the daylight, one of the warriors who were standing guard at the door finally knocked. Marcus let out a whimper as Abby immediately escaped from his embrace and ran toward the door. She stopped just the time to put her robe back in place and then opened the door.

«Can I go back to work now?», she asked stubbornly with a little hint of impudence in her voice.

The warrior nodded in answer and then stepped aside to let a young woman pass. She was holding a pile of clothes in her arms which Abby recognized as their.

«Gaf bida sis au?» the woman shyly asked with a bow.

Abby frowned a second then gave to the warrior an interrogative look.

«Need some help?» he translated coldly.

«Oh no thank you,» Abby immediately answer with a sweet smile toward the grounder woman.

The latter looked up at the warrior who shook his head.

«Ait,» the woman said quietly as she handed her the clothes before turning around and disappearing in the corridor.

«Wanheda said there is food for you two in the medical bay,» the warrior informed her before starting to close the door.

«Where is my daughter?» Abby hastened to ask as she held the door open.

«Wanheda is mourning the dead. She asked not to be disturbed,» he answered with a hard look.

Abby parted her lips to ask him where she can find her but while the first word was about to leave her mouth she felt a hand lay on her shoulder.

«Mochof Elios,» Marcus said to the warrior with a grateful nod.

Elios lowered his head in return and then left them alone.

Marcus could see the irritation on Abby's face. He knew that she didn't like to know her daughter was upset, like the good mother she was, but he also knew that the young woman needed some time alone.

«She's strong. She's gonna be okay. She just needs some time for herself,» he tried to reassured her, his fingers tightened a little on her shoulder.

Abby stared at him, considering his words but then he saw her gaze soften.

«You're right,» she admitted before reaching for his embrace.

Marcus automatically wrapped his arms around her shoulders and pressed his lips against the top of her head.

«It's just…I don't like to leave her alone,» she said quietly against his bare and strong chest.

«I know,» he murmured against her hair as one of his hand gently stroked her back.

The embrace didn't last long because after less than a minute Abby handed him his clothes and then started to dress.

When she was ready, he just had time to steal her a last quick kiss on the lips before she left the room. Her absence immediately made his heart tighten in his chest. The memories of what had happened the last few days started to invade his thought again and without her by his side it was hard to fight them.

He put on his jacket and then sat up on the bed to tie his shoes. Once done he buried his head in his hands and for the first time in his life, he felt useless. He didn't know what to do. He wasn't a doctor. He wasn't the kind of person to whom people wanted to speak about their feelings. And he felt as if he couldn't be a leader anymore. He had betrayed his people. By taking the chip he had given up on them. Of course, he didn't regret his choice, he would never regret saving Abby's life. If he had to do it all over again he would have done exactly the same thing, without any hesitation. Abby came first now and it will always be the same until he died. Nonetheless, he couldn't help but think that a good leader had to put his people first, despite all the sacrifice it could cost him. « _Old habits die hard_ ,» he thought bitterly as Jaha's words were coming back to his mind. « _You have a strength that is not weakened by sentiment_ », he had told him once. At that time it must have been true but now, now he wasn't that man anymore and he didn't want to be him again. That Marcus was dead. He had been killed the day they landed on earth. He had been killed by the beauty of the landscape. He had been killed by the shadows of the three hundred and twenty souls who weren't there to see it. He had been killed by the contagious hope and love of Abby Griffin. In the back of his mind he wondered if he would have done the same thing for anyone else. He wished he would, because she would have and she had done it with Raven but he couldn't be sure. After all, he had let Lincoln sacrifice himself to save his people, to save the many. He knew what was going to happen but he had let him do it. If it had been Abby, if she had been about to sacrifice herself to save their people he knew that he wouldn't have let her do it. He would have took her with him, even if it would have meant to knock her out. Abby's death was now unthinkable, impossible, out of the question. After all she had lost, after all the risks she had taken, after all the pain she had endure, Abigail Griffin deserved to stay alive! « _After everything we've done, do we even deserve to survive?_ » he heard her voice in his mind. « _You deserve it! You deserve it more than anyone,_ » he mentally answered her.

He didn't know how long he stayed there, blaming himself for everything he had or hadn't done but suddenly a knock at the door made him come back to reality.

«Yes,» he said but his voice was so hoarse that he had to clear his throat.

«Yes,» he repeated more clearly this time.

The door opened and he was surprised to discover the identity of the visitor.

«Hi !» Clarke greeted him with a soft, embarrassed voice, in the doorway.

«Hi !Your mom is at the medical bay,» Marcus informed her.

«Okay…but I wasn't looking for her,» she said as she stepped inside and closed the door behind her before resting her back against it.

«I need to talk to you,» she said after a few seconds.

Marcus let out a sight and stand back up.

«If it's about Jaha, be sure that it won't hap…»he started but he didn't have time to finish his sentence because Clarke shook her head.

«It's not about Jaha,» she cut him off before taking a deep breath and then walking toward him.

Marcus looked at her but she remained quiet. She ran a hand through her hair and then sat up on the couch.

«Please sit,» she offered him as she pointed the armchair in front of her.

Marcus nodded and did what she asked. He didn't stop looking at her but she seemed to avoid his gaze. Something was wrong. He already had had a presentiment the previous day but now he knew he had been right. She was about to reveal him something and it won't be something good.

«I trust you,» she finally said as she established eyes-contact for the fist time since she arrived in the room.

Marcus nodded in answer but he chose to stay quiet and let her speak.

«I always have,» she added as a sad smile seemed to appear on her lips.

For some seconds she seemed to be lost in thought as she was now looking through the window.

«Do you remember this day when you found me in the launderette of Alpha station?», she asked as her smile seemed to grow up a little.

He nodded briefly but she still wasn't looking at him.

«Yes. Yes I do,» he answered with a frown because he didn't know where she was coming from.

«I was upset because Mike Benett had told me that we'll never go to earth, that our parents were lying,» she explained in a monotonous tone.

Once again Marcus nodded. He remembered how every parent was lying to their child about the earth, about the transitional generation, about their life. It wasn't a common plan but as far as he could remember it had always been like this. The parents told their child that one day everybody would go back to earth. It was like if they wanted to give them a future to hold on to, to give them hope in a reality where no one could be floated for stealing food or medical supplies. He had never agreed on that. For him, giving false hope like this was sadistic. He'll never be able to forget the day where he had discovered the truth and the way he had felt betrayed and angry at everyone. He was eight and he had wished that he had never been born.

«Mum and dad told me that we couldn't know what was going to happen but I knew it was another lie. You found me crying in the launderette and you were the only one who told me the truth,» she kept talking with a more serious face this time.

«It had cost me two weeks of reproach from your mother,» he said with a hint of nostalgic amusement in his voice.

«Sorry for that,» she replied with a gentle smile.

This time, Marcus succeeded to catch her eyes but a second later she seemed to be lost in thought once again.

«Clarke, what do you really want to talk to me about? I don't want to push you but we both know that you aren't here to talk about the past,» he finally said, trying to not sound too pressing.

«Yes. Yes, I'm not but…can I ask you a question?» she asked, visibly nervous.

«Of course,» he answered honestly.

«Why… Why didn't want you to tell the truth about the Ark?», she asked seriously.

Marcus swallowed hard and he couldn't help but lowered his gaze.

«Clarke I…,» he started to speak, ready to apologize but she cut him off.

«It's just a question, not a reproach,» she informed him with a gentle voice.

Marcus nodded and took a deep breath.

«I didn't want to risk anarchy. When people are about to die they can become out of control. I always thought that we would be able to find a way to save some of us, not everyone, but some of us. I thought that if everybody knew we wouldn't be able to prevent them from doing something stupid, like using all our supplies or killing each other. I really wanted to save my people but I didn't have faith in them. And the truth is that I was wrong,» he explained shamefully.

«So you regret not telling them the truth?» she asked, staring at him.

«Yes,» he answered without any hesitation.

The young woman nodded and remained quiet for a while. She seemed to be considering what he had said.

«Clarke I…I've never told you but I'm sorry for your father and I'm sorry for having locked you up,» Marcus apologized before biting his lower lips, nervously.

Clarke looked up at him and then shook her head.

«I never blamed you for that. You thought you were doing the right thing. Nobody could have known what was going to happen. To be true, I blamed Wells. I think I blamed him because it was easier than blaming my own mother. You know I blamed him like she blamed you instead of Jaha. We were wrong, both of us,» she told him in a reassuring voice.

Marcus felt his heart tightened in his chest at the mention of Abby. Clarke wasn't blind, he knew that she was aware of the change between them. She had locked them up in the same room, it couldn't be a coincidence. But still, he couldn't help but be a little afraid of her reaction.

«I'm glad she has you !» she added warmly.

Again Marcus swallowed hard. The guilt seemed to flood his heart again and he had to close his eyes a second to remain composed.

«I failed her ! I let her behind and then I put your life and those of everyone else in danger,» he said with a lump in his throat.

«But I… I couldn't…I couldn't let him kill her…,» he finally found the strength to finish his sentence.

An unexpected smile lightened Clarke's face as she stared at him with a kindness he didn't understand.

«That's what I'm saying. I'm glad she has you,» she said again, tears shining in her eyes.

«I'm glad that, for once, she is someone first choice. I mean, her parents were executed because they embezzled medical supplies for the non-essentials workers. Dad is dead because he thought that people should know the truth about the Ark. And I was ready to let her hang herself to save everybody…But you…You Marcus… You took the chip to save her life. You took the chip because, for you, she comes first ! And I'll never be able to thank you enough for that !», she explained with gratefulness.

Marcus felt tears spring to his eyes but he held them back and pressed his lips together. Hearing this kind of things from the daughter of the woman he loved was unexpected and it warmed up his heart.

«She will always come first,» he assured her with a tone which sounded like a vow.

Clarke bent forward a little and put her hand on his to squeeze his fingers lightly. She was about to speak again but a sob cut her off. Both of them immediately looked up at the door and Marcus saw Abby standing in the doorway, her hands on her mouth and tears rolling down her cheeks.

All of them remained quiet for a while as Abby's eyes were traveling from her daughter's face to Marcus'. Finally, it was Clarke who made the first step. She stood up and walked toward her mom to took her in her arms.

«I'm sorry,» he heard the young woman said with a lump in her throat.

«Don't be honey !You did the right thing !», Abby told her back with a voice shaking with sobs.

Marcus lowered his gaze. He felt like he was intruding as the two woman were murmuring some loving words to each other. He wondered if he should give them some time alone but when he was about to stand up, they broke their embrace and Clarke kissed her mother cheek.

«I talk to you later,» she said to Marcus before leaving the room and closing the door behind her.

«I love you,» the words escaped Abby's mouth so quickly that for a second Marcus wondered if he had imagined it.

She was standing in front of the door, her arms by her sides, tears running once again along her cheeks. At first, she seemed surprised by her own words as much as he was, but then, her face became more confident.

«I love you,» she repeated, this time, slower and clearer.

Marcus felt his blood ran cold in his veins but his heart seemed to catch fire in his chest. He remained quiet, unable to speak, unable to move. He just looked at her, his mouth half-opened and wild-eyed. It wasn't just the words and their meaning, it was, above all, the fact they came from her lips. Honestly, he knew that she had feelings for him, he knew it because the « _I can't do this again_ » wasn't something she would have said lightly. He knew what she was really saying with that sentence. He was aware of what it really meant for her but nonetheless, hearing those three little words for real was still something unexpected and unbelievable for him. Except from his mother, Marcus Kane had never heard this words.

«Marcus please, say something, anything because I…,» she said after a few seconds before hiding her face in her hands like if she suddenly felt ashamed or if she regretted to have said it.

«I love you,» the words came out from the depths of his throat.

« I love you more than anything,» he added eagerly without any hesitation.

A bright smile stretched up slowly Abby's lips even with the tears were still running down her cheeks.

«I wanted to tell you last night but…I…I think I was afraid that it wasn't the right time…I heard what Clarke was saying to you and what you said and…I never asked to be someone first choice. It would have been selfish but you said what you said and that's, with no doubt, the most beautiful thing that someone has never say about me…» she said, her voice shaking with sobs.

«God Abby…,» he breathed as he jumped from his chair and ran toward her.

Without a second he took her in his arms and hold her. He cradled her against his chest with all his strength, with all his love.

«I meant it, Abby ! Oh god, I meant it ! You will always come first,» he murmured against her hair as he felt her tears moisten the skin of his neck.

«Thank you,» she breathed before softly kissing his shoulder.

«Thank you for loving me like this,» she added as she melted even more into his embrace.

«Always,» he swore, his arms tightened around her shaking body.

«Always,» he repeated as a promise to her, to Clarke, to Jake.


	9. The sweetest way

**My version of the** **Kabby** s **cene in the trailer (Season 4)**

He was sitting on the bed, his back leaning against the wall, still dizzy because of what happened a few minutes ago. His mind was filled with memories of bare skin, messy hair, shadows of flames licking the contour of luscious curves. He could still smell her scent, feel the heat of her body pressed against his. Did it was real? Wasn't it just a dream? It had been so perfect that he couldn't be sure. The taste of her lips, the softness of her touches, the sound of her moans…It was a dream, it couldn't be otherwise.

As he was expecting to wake up any minute, the door of the bathroom opened and she was there.

She was there, real and alive. She was there, naked and smiling, her long caramel hair falling on her shoulders. She was there, more gorgeous than ever.

She didn't say a word, she just stared at him, her eyes shining with joy as she walked to the bed and sat up next to him, facing him.

Marcus didn't make a move, he didn't even try because he was too captivated by the glorious woman in front of him.

« _A penny for your thoughts_ ,» she said after a few seconds as she softly let her fingers starting to run on his chest.

Marcus offered her a shy smile and shook his head, softly.

« _Nothing,_ » he answered at first but she raised an eyebrow and as always she won.

« _You'll think it's stupid,_ » he said with shifty eyes.

« _Just tell me,_ » she insisted with a tender voice.

« _I…I feel like I was waiting for this, I mean, for us. Like if I had waited for you and me my entire life without knowing it,_ » he confessed with an embarrassed smile at the corner of his lips.

Abby remained quiet but her smile was growing.

« _See, this is stupid,_ » he added with a sigh, bending his head.

« _I love you,_ » the words get out of her mouth like if it was the most natural thing in the world.

Marcus looked up at her and remained speechless, shocked. It was the first time she was saying it explicitly and it undid him completely.

She was smiling with her whole face. Her lips were smiling, her eyes were smiling and at this moment she seemed filled only with love and pure happiness.

He wanted to say it back, to make her know how badly he was in love with her but he was too overwhelmed to speak. He just stared at her, like the stupid idiot in love he was but, as always, she took the lead.

Abby grabbed his face with one hand and leaned toward him. The light pressure of her fingers on his jaw invited him to lift his head and he didn't resist. She captured his lips with hers and he was lost. Lost in her love, lost in her passion, lost in her. In her arms, nothing else mattered anymore.

Deep down inside him, Marcus knew that even if they were about to die, it wasn't important anymore because now, he knew what love, real love felt like. She had shown him in the sweetest way.


	10. The Marquise and the Count

**My contribution to the Valentine's day smut exchange on** tumblr **.**

 **First, thank you to Shefollowedfires for the Beta-ing, fast and helpful, again thank you so much.**

Darkness had fallen and the noise of the street had finally stopped. It was a cold and rainy night of February. The stars were hidden by dark clouds and the few hoof-beats which resonated on the cobblestones were muffled by the crackles of the fire burning in the hearth.

Abigail De Griffin, Marquise of Espérance, was sitting at her dressing table, brushing her hair for the night. It wasn't really late but she was invited by the king - Thelonius Jaha, first of his name - to the royal promenade in the gardens of Versailles the next day. The Marquise knew that it was a great honor but, to be honest, she didn't enjoy the court of the king. In fact, the more the time passed, the less she enjoyed the king's company. Even if he had never made an inappropriate move toward her, Abby knew that he was expecting something from her; something she wasn't willing to give. Stealing the title of the King's " _official favourite_ " from Diana De Sydney wasn't something she wanted, and she never would. Nonetheless, with her husband's death, it was her sole responsibility to offer a proper life to her daughter, and she had every intention to succeed. Being a member of the king's court was the best way to find a real catch for Clarke and to keep her safe from the family's debts. Jake's execution for treason had left them penniless due to the legal seizure, and all they had left, now, was their name and the king's friendship.

Suddenly, knocks resonated against the door, quickly followed by the maid's voice.

« _Madame, I'm sorry to disturb you but the Count of Arkadia is here. He would like to see you,_ » Raven told her with a polite curtsey.

The name made her heart miss a beat, and the brush almost slipped from her hand.

« _The Count of-_ », Abby started to repeat, stunned; before jumping up from her chair, as if the wood had suddenly burnt her.

She hadn't heard a word from him for months. No letters, no official information about the diplomatic shuttle he was leading; not even a rumor. He was back, he was in her house and he wanted to see her. The thought filled her heart with joy and nervousness at the same time. She repressed an improper wide smile and held herself back from running to meet him.

She was about to take a first step toward the door, but she saw her reflection in the mirror and remembered that her clothing wasn't really proper to receive a man. She was wearing a long blue robe, with seams enlivened by mink fur. The lower half of her body was perfectly hidden, but her cleavage was a little bit too open. Besides, her bun was half-undone and her make-up was merely the remainder of a long day.

« _It's late. I... I'm not..._ » she stammered as she took a look at her robe and tried to smooth it nervously.

« _That's what I told him but he says it's very important,_ » the maid answered with a pursing of her lips.

« _Okay..._ » the Marquise breathed as she turned around to face the mirror.

She couldn't refuse to receive him, not after all those months. And anyway, she didn't want to.

« _Just...Just give me a minute,_ » she said as she began to readjust the cleavage of her robe, and tried to do something about her messy bun.

« _Where is he?_ » she asked as she gently slapped her cheek to get some color on it.

« _He's waiting in the lobby,_ » Raven answered, taking a look over her shoulder.

« _Good. How am I looking?_ » Abby asked as she nervously waved her arms along her sides.

« _Well, he'll like you for sure,_ » Raven told her with an unequivocal raising of her eyebrow.

« _That's not what I was asking,_ » the Marquise chided her; rolling her eyes but with a soft, satisfied smile at the corner of her lips.

Officially, Raven was the maid, but to be true, Abigail saw her more like her young sister or like her own child. The girl's mother had always worked for her family but the poor woman died in childbirth, so Raven had been brought up like a family member.

« _You look great, as always,_ » the girl complimented her with a smirk.

« _Thank you, Raven. It's okay, you can let him inside,_ » she told her before checking her reflection one last time.

The wait didn't last long, but it felt like an eternity to her. Abby didn't know that the Count had returned from his diplomatic mission. She thought he was still in London, negotiating over some mysterious territory across the ocean. She had waited for his letters. She had spent the last few weeks waiting in vain for news of him, wondering if the kiss he was about to give her the last time she saw him was the cause of his silence. She had thought about this missed kiss a thousand times, during a thousand nights. She had thought about how it could have ended if courage hadn't failed him that day in the royal gardens. Despite everything they'd been through, she would have liked, more than anything, to taste his lips - to feel his fingers clench on her waist and to know how it felt to be in his Marcus De Kane's strong arms.

In a way, it was strange. Almost irrational. Because, after all, he was the one who'd come one cold winter morning to arrest her husband, his friend. He was the one who read the _lettre de cachet_ : the royal order sentencing her husband to death. But he was also the one who took care of her and her daughter after that. The food supplies, the deed of property of this house, the money - everything had been sent anonymously, but even if they had never talked about it, the Marquise knew that everything was from him. At that time, and because she knew, she would have wanted to refuse it; but she couldn't. She had lost everything... and she couldn't let her daughter sleep outside.

Besides, Marcus De Kane, Count of Arkadia, wasn't the man he pretended to be at the court. Behind the mask of coldness, there was so much more; there was a man with a good heart, and Abigail could see it now. She had fully seen the real man the day he came back with her daughter, safe and sound in his arms, after she had been kidnapped by the Mountain Men - a group of brigands hiding in the catacombs under the city.

After a few seconds, shy knocks were heard against the door.

« _Come in,_ » Abby said, trying hard to keep a neutral tone despite the excitement which was engulfing her.

« _Madame,_ » the Count greeted her politely with a bow of his head as he walked in.

The Count of Arkadia was a tall man. Tall and very attractive. The rumors made him the most coveted single man in the whole of Paris. Even at their worst, the Marquise couldn't have denied it. He was mysterious and charismatic. He was courteous and well-mannered. And there was a feeling of strength and of courage which issued from him. His long dark hair called to be touched, and his penetrating gaze was simply irresistible. As always, he was wearing his military uniform with black thigh boots; but strangely, all his medals had been removed.

« _Sir,_ » Abby greeted him back with a pleasant smile.

« _I'm sorry to disturb you, Madame, I know it's late but I didn't want to leave without telling you goodbye_ ,» he explained solemnly; his hand behind his back, like the good soldier he was.

The Marquise's smile instantly faded away, a hint of anxiety making its way up inside her.

« _You're leaving? Again?_ » she couldn't help hurrying to ask, failing to hide her disappointment.

This wasn't the news she was expecting. In fact, she didn't know what she was expecting from his presence this late, but - anything but that.

The Count took a deep breath and nodded slowly.

« _I...I hope you'll be back for Clarke's birthday. I intend to organize a big party along the Seine,_ » she told him in a lighter tone, trying to sound more detached.

« _No. I won't. I wish I could but-_ ,» he started to answer, with unusual shiftiness in his eyes.

Abigail suddenly realized that there was something wrong. It didn't look like a temporary goodbye; it looked like a farewell, forever.

« _What's wrong? Where are you going?_ » she asked, taking a step toward him, this time with absolute disregard for how much her tone could sound worried.

The Count let out a deep sigh and nervously rubbed his nape.

« _America. And I'm afraid that it's a one-way trip,_ » he confessed, pursing his lips like if he was trying to hold back his emotions.

The Marquise felt like the ground was falling out from under her feet. Her corset felt suddenly too tight for her to breathe, and the world felt too big for her to live.

« _A one- What do you mean? That's not possible, the king would never agree to that_ ,» she objected, her fingers clenching around the edge of the chair next to her for support.

« _With all due respect Madame, it was the King's proposal. Or rather, should I say, one of them,_ » he said and she saw a mix of anger and sadness crossing his gaze.

« _What's the other?_ » she asked, her chin high as she tried to hold back the anger which was now rumbling inside her.

« _Death, I suppose; or at least life imprisonment,_ » he answered with a bitter huff and a shrug.

Even if she had already guessed the answer, the words resonated like a detonation in her ears. Her grip on the chair tightened as her legs began to fail her.

« _I don't understand. Why would he-_ » she started to say, frowning, as she shook her head in denial.

« _I think we both know_ why,» the Count cut her off in a whisper as he lowered his gaze.

The Marquise froze for a second. She bit her lips and closed her eyes, taking a moment to think. Deep down inside her she already knew. She already knew, but she didn't want to believe it.

« _Me? It's because of me?_ » she asked him for confirmation after a few seconds, but there was no question in her tone.

The Count nodded, still without looking at her.

« _I wish I could deny but- Listen, I don't want you to blame yourself for that, I-_ » he started to tell her, but she didn't let him end his sentence.

« _I won't let this happen to you,_ » she asserted firmly as she took several steps toward him, invading his personal space without restraint.

« _I...I'll speak to him...I'll tell him that-_ » she offered, slightly hysterical, before being interrupted by a hand on her arm.

« _That my feelings for you aren't reciprocated, I've already told him,_ » he finished for her with a sad smile.

The words made her felt like if she had just been slapped. Hard.

« _What?_ » she exclaimed, astounded.

« _You think that-Do you really believe that I feel nothing for you?_ » she asked him with a shaking voice, trying to catch his gaze.

« _Do you?_ » he asked, lifting his head, his gaze seeming to light up with hope for a second.

Abby felt a shy smile starting to grow at the corner of her lips. What a blind idiot. How could he possibly not know? She opened her mouth to answer him but he didn't let her.

« _No ! Don't! Don't answer that!_ » he suddenly hurried to tell her, as he took a step backward.

The Marquise frowned, not understanding the reason for his sudden behavioral change. She took another step toward him, reaching for his hand; but he stepped back even more.

« _I...I shouldn't have come. I'm sorry. Goodbye, Abigail,_ » he said in a breath before turning around and walking toward the exit.

Abby felt her breath catch in her throat. He was leaving. He was leaving forever.

« _Please! Wait,_ » she called after him, but he didn't stop.

« _Please,_ » she begged, her voice cracking slightly.

« _Marcus !»_ she finally shouted desperately.

This time, the Count stopped abruptly but he didn't make a move to turn toward her. One of his hands was grabbing the door jamb, and one of his feet was already on the corridor floor. He seemed to hesitate. He was visibly torn between running away or listening to her. He was in pain; Abby could feel it, see it. His fingers were clenched around the wood of the door and his head was down.

« _Look at me,_ » she breathed as she walked slowly toward him.

« _I said, look at me_ ,» she repeated, this time more clearly despite the lump in her throat.

« _Please, don't make this any harder than it already is,_ » he begged her, almost in a murmur.

Abby stopped for a second, biting her lips to hold back a sob. She had to calm down, she had to contain herself; she couldn't make a spectacle of herself.

« _It wouldn't be possible,_ » she asserted in a low voice as she tentatively lifted her hand to brush her fingertips softly against his back.

It was the first time she allowed herself to touch him and she wasn't sure about how he was going to react. She knew that he wasn't used to physical touches, that he wasn't comfortable with intimacy; but she couldn't help it. Right now, she needed to touch him.

 _«It wouldn't be possible because it's already as hard as it can be_ ,» she whispered as she closed the gap between them and pressed her chest again his back.

She could feel his muscles tensed in her embrace but she didn't let him go. Quite the contrary, she put her arms around his waist and buried her face between his shoulder-blades, breathing him in. He remained still, quiet, but as she let her hand make its way up to his heart, she could feel its rhythm speed up under the fabric of his jacket.

« _I can't do this again,_ » she confessed in a sob.

She felt him shiver and for a second she thought that he was about to leave. She heard him inhale deeply and before she could realize it he was facing her, both his hands cupping her face.

« _Come with me,_ » he proposed in a rush, looking at her right in the eyes.

Abby felt her heart skip a beat.

« _What?_ » she asked, confused.

« _Come with me to America,_ » he repeated more firmly as his thumbs started to brush along her jawline.

« _I...I can't, my daughter...I can't,_ » she declined as she shook her head.

« _She can come with us. I'll take care of both of you,_ » he promised hopefully.

For a second Abby could almost see it: the life they wanted, the life they deserved; but it was insane. She felt her heart break one more time and tears blurred her sight.

« _No..._ » she whispered reluctantly. « _I mean, I know you would, and Lord only knows how badly I want to come with you, but I can't. I can't ask my daughter to leave her friends, her life here... I can't take her somewhere where we don't even know what tomorrow will be,_ » she told him, and each word seemed to burn her tongue and stab his heart.

The Count closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. His grip on her face loosened as he took a step backward.

« _I know. I'm sorry, it was foolish of me,_ » he said, nodding, his lower lip shaking slightly.

« _I'm so sorry,_ » Abby sobbed, this time tears running down her cheeks.

« _Me too,_ » he said with a painful smile before allowing himself to wipe a tear from her cheekbone with his thumb.

Abby shuddered under the caress. She closed her eyes and tried to memorize the feeling of his hand against her skin. She didn't want him to stop. She didn't want him to leave, to leave her, to leave her forever. She was in pain, in so much pain. She felt as though there were a knife penetrating again and again, deeper and deeper in her heart. She didn't want to lose a man she loved one more time. The fate couldn't be so cruel.

« _I...I...»_ she heard him stammer, so she opened her eyes.

He was staring at her. He was looking so vulnerable in that moment that it killed her even more. He was trying to tell her something, but the words seemed stuck in his throat. His eyes flickered briefly to her lips, and her stomach clenched. He wanted to kiss her; she knew it, and she wanted him to, like at their last meeting in the royal gardens. She leaned toward him, inch by inch, her mouth already half-opened, ready to welcome him. She saw him bend his head and she suddenly felt like she had waited for this moment all her life without even knowing it. She had loved Jake, she had loved him with all her heart - but this, this thing she had with Marcus De Kane, it was something higher. Something she couldn't explain but that she felt in her whole body and soul. His hot breath caressed her face and she was lost, her heart beating so fast in her chest that for a second she wondered if she was about to pass out. She stopped leaning at some point, just waiting for him; but the kiss she was waiting for never came. Instead, she felt Marcus's mouth land on her forehead and this time, she couldn't help but burst into tears. Her fingers clenched on the lapel of his jacket and she felt his lips press harder against her skin as if he were trying to muffle his own sobs.

« _May we meet again,_ » he murmured, his mouth never leaving her forehead.

« _May we meet again,_ » she returned, between two heartbreaking sobs.

They remained like this for a while, enjoying each others presence for the last time. Neither of them seemed ready to end this moment. Neither of them seemed to be able to take the first step backward. Neither of them wanted to, but they had to. So, reluctantly Marcus started to step back. Slowly. Painfully slowly. His fingers brushed against her face until she was out of reach, and neither of them broke eye contact until he had left the room.

When she heard the front door slam, Abby collapsed. She fell on her knees, more hurt than ever. The sobs were so intense that she wasn't able to breathe properly. She was suffocating, strangled by her own pain.

« _Abby,_ » Raven suddenly called after her as she arrived in the room, probably alerted by the Marquise's whimpers.

« _He's gone,_ » Abby whined as she let the maid take her into a comforting embrace.

« _He's gone,_ » she said again, falling apart in Raven's arms.

« _I know...I heard you,_ » the maid told her as she tenderly stroked her hair.

It was over. She would never see him again. She would never again feel her cheeks catching fire as their gaze met. She would never again feel her stomach clench pleasantly as he smiled at her. He was gone. Gone forever. Contrary to Jake, the Count of Arkadia wasn't dead but the pain she was feeling now was exactly the same. She had lost them both. She had never felt so lonely, so distraught, so desperate. Her thin body was shaking uncontrollably.

« _Mum?_ » a voice suddenly resonated in the corridor.

Abby froze and instantly put her hands to her mouth to muffle her cries.

« _Oh god! It's Clarke,_ » she exclaimed in a low voice.

« _I...I don't want her to see me like this, please can you-,_ » Abby pleaded, trying desperately to wipe away the tears which were, nonetheless, still escaping.

« _Yeah, got it,_ » Raven agreed as she got up and hurried to leave the room.

« _Where is_ mom _?_ » Clarke asked, her tone betraying her worry.

« _She's resting, she doesn't want to be bothered, she doesn't feel well,_ » Raven answered.

« _Don't lie to me Raven, I just saw the Count of Arkadia leaving the house,_ » Clarke retorted as the footsteps in the corridor seemed to come closer.

At that moment, Abby tried to stand up, but her body was failing her. It was as if all her strength, all her will had gone with Marcus De Kane.

« _Clarke,_ » the maid hissed as some noises of elbowing were heard.

« _Let me pass,_ » the girl ordered, and after a few seconds a blond hurricane stormed in.

« _Mum?_ » Clarke exclaimed as she ran toward Abby, still kneeling on the floor.

« _Honey, I-»_ the Marquise started to explain herself, but she was cut off.

« _What happened?_ » the girl asked as she got down on her knee and cupped her mother's face.

« _Nothing, it's really nothing,_ » the Marquise tried to reassure her with shifty eyes.

« _Raven?_ » Clarke questioned the girl with a glare.

« _It's not my..._ » the maid tried to sneak off, but Clarke kept glaring at her.

« _He's leaving,_ » Raven finally explained with a sigh.

« _For where?_ » Clarke asked.

« _America. The king sent him there,_ » the maid told her.

« _For how long ?_ » the girl wanted to know.

« _Forever,_ » Abby croaked before bursting into tears one more time.

Clarke tightened her embrace around her and remained quiet for a minute. She was thinking, and when she looked up at Raven again, the latter just nodded in confirmation. There was nothing to say. Abby's breakdown was enough to know.

« _Mum, you can't let him go_ ,» the girl exclaimed after a few seconds.

« _You have to stop him,_ » she added firmly.

Abby straightened up a little to look properly at her daughter and shook her head.

« _No Clarke, I...I can't. If he stays he will be sentenced to death_ ,» she told her, her eyes red and wet with tears.

« _He asked her to go with him_ ,» Raven interrupted them.

« _Raven,_ » the Marquise snapped.

She didn't want to tell her daughter about that. She didn't want her to feel guilty. She didn't want her to think that she was the reason for her pain.

« _Then why are you still here?_ » Clarke asked her, a hint of reproach in her voice.

Abigail blinked several times, stunned.

« _Clarke! I...I can't leave you, you're my daughter I can't-_ » she started to object, but the girl didn't let her finish her sentence; instead laying a kiss on her forehead.

« _I'm okay,_ » Clarke breathed with a smile, looking at her right in the eyes.

« _What do you mean?_ » Abby asked her frowning.

« _I can go with you,_ » the girl declared firmly with a nod.

« _But...Clarke, you have a life here, your friends,_ your _-,_ » the Marquise objected, shaking her head.

« _Mum, all your life you put me and everybody else first, now it's my turn to do it for you_ ,» Clarke asserted as she stroked her mother's cheeks.

« _But..._ ,» Abby tried again to demur, in vain.

« _I belong where my family belongs. And my family belongs where each member can be happy. The king killed dad, and he didn't help us after that; Marcus De Kane did. Without him, we would be dead from starvation and exposure by now. There's nothing left for us here. It's our chance to find happiness again_ ,» Clarke argued with tears in her eyes.

At each word, Abby wanted to cry even more. Her heart was so filled with joy that she wondered if it was about to explode. Was it real? Was she really about to leave for America with her family and Marcus De Kane? She was speechless, she didn't know how to thank her daughter for that. She wanted to cry and laugh at the same time.

« _Raven?_ » Clarke questioned the girl, a wide smile on her lips.

« _You're my family_ ,» the maid answered, raising an unequivocal eyebrow.

« _Let's go to America then,_ » Clarke declared getting up on her feet, reaching for Abby's hand.

The next morning, Raven had heard, as she was looking for a carriage, that the Count of Arkadia would be on the Exodus ship with a hundred young exiled. Without any second thought, the three ladies had packed up and then hit the road.

They traveled for days to Nantes, the Atlantic harbor from which every royal ship was leaving to America. Abby's feelings navigated between an intense excitement and a deep anxiety. What if they arrived too late? What if he was already gone? They didn't have money to pay for travel - and the king was, without doubt, already aware of their departure by now. Thelonius Jaha wouldn't forgive her for having tried to escape with the Count of Arkadia. Now, it was either America or the Bastille.

Despite Raven and Clarke's reassuring words, the Marquise was more and more worried; and when the cabman, Jackson, finally stopped the carriage and told them that they'd arrived, she thought that she might be about to pass out.

The night was coming down, and despite the sound of the rain and the crashing waves, the commotion of the crew could be heard. Abby remained still, her fingers clenched around Jake's ring as a new kind of anxiety was engulfing her. They were in time. Marcus De Kane was just a few meters away. But what if he had changed his mind? What if he didn't want her to come with him after all?

Clarke must have felt her anxiety, because she put her hand on hers and squeezed her fingers.

« _You can do it,_ » she encouraged her with a tender smile, brushing the back of her hand lightly against her cheek.

Abby just stared at her for a second, wondering how she could have raised such a wonderful child. Like her father, Clarke was smart, generous and brave. She was the daughter every parent would have wanted. She deserved so much more - so much more than the grief she was bearing on her shoulders and in her heart. The Marquise felt her eyes starting to sting. She was so proud of her little princess, so proud of who she had become. She opened her mouth to tell her how much she loved her but she was cut off by the opening of the door.

« _Ladies, they seem to be about to weigh anchor, you should hurry_ ,» Jackson informed her, throwing a look over his shoulder.

« _Okay, save the emotional speech for later. Let's go,_ » Raven exclaimed as she jumped out of the carriage, grabbing Abby's hand and pulling her with her.

The rain was pouring down but the Marquise didn't care. The hem of her long gray dress was dirty in a second, but she didn't even try to save it. Her gaze was fixed on the magnificent and huge ship in front on her, looking for a familiar figure. She started to move forward; and at each step, her heart was beating faster and faster. It was beating so hard that she couldn't have been able to say if the buzzing in her ears was due to the rain or to her heartbeat. It was the craziest thing she had ever done in her life. It was both scary and exciting; but surprisingly, she liked that feeling. No - she loved that feeling.

« _There,_ » Raven suddenly exclaimed, pointing her finger at a small group of men on the deck.

« _Yes, it's him,»_ Clarke confirmed with an unhidden excitement in her tone.

Abby blinked several times, and then she finally saw him. Yes, Marcus De Kane was there: wet to the bone, his white shirt almost transparent and stuck to his chest. He was yelling something to his men as he was pulling a rope. The Marquise felt a smile growing irresistibly on her lips and a long-forgotten fire starting to rise again in a forgotten place.

The young man who was helping the Count with the rope instinctively turned his head toward the quay and stopped his handling. Abby saw him looking at her for a second, and then he seemed to say something to the Count. The latter immediately stood still and Abby stopped breathing. Slowly, inch by inch, Marcus turned his head toward her and their gaze met.

« _Abigail,_ » he mouthed.

« _Marcus,_ » she whispered back, tears starting to fill her eyes.

Barely a second later, the Count let down the rope and raced toward her. Abby would have wanted to go meet him halfway but her legs were like jelly. She couldn't move, nearly couldn't breathe. Her whole body was shaking; but the weather wasn't the one to blame.

At no point did the Count slow down, and when he finally arrived in front of her he did something unexpected, coming from him. Without any restraint, he closed his arms around her waist and lifted her up, holding her tight against him, burying his head in the crook of her neck. The impact cast down her wide-brimmed hat but neither of them paid attention to it. The Count was out of breath and his heart was beating so fast that the Marquise could feel its beat resonating in her own body.

« _I was afraid I wouldn't see you again,_ » Abby whispered in his ear as she hugged him back, her arms wrapped around his neck.

Marcus let out a chuckle and she felt her own smile get bigger.

« _I had those fears myself,_ » he responded as he leaned back slightly to look at her properly, letting her feet find their way back to the ground.

They stared at each other for an eternity, not caring about the rain or the dozen of curious eyes which were surrounding them.

« _I can't believe you're here..._ » he finally breathed out as he let his thumb brush against her cheekbone.

Abby closed her eyes and leaned against his touch. His palm was wet but warm, deliciously warm. As warm as his breath on her face and as warm than the sweet feeling which was growing in her belly.

« _How did you-_ » he started to ask, and she couldn't help but smile.

« _I had a little help,_ » she confessed as she gave a look over her shoulder.

« _Hope you still have some room for two lovely girls_ ,» Raven said with a smirk.

Marcus' surprised gaze traveled from the maid to Clarke, and then from the girls to Abby. He blinked several times and then seemed to regain his former composure despite an unusual blush on his cheeks. The Count cleared his throat and took a step backward, breaking his embrace with the Marquise; who immediately missed his touch.

« _Ladies, please forgive me, I didn't see you,_ » he apologized with a shy smile.

The two girls exchanged a knowing look and chuckled.

« _It's okay, it's the usual Marquise effect, hard to blame,_ » Raven told him with a smirk.

Abby bit her lower lip to prevent herself from chuckling as the Count smiled sheepishly, looking at her from the corner of his eyes.

« _Concerning your question, of course, you're welcome to come aboard. By the way, we should get inside before catching our death_ ,» he told her before bending down to pick up the Marquise's hat.

« _If you wouldn't mind,_ » he invited them, showing the way with a circular motion of his arm.

Once the girls had settled into a private cabin, the Count led Abby to her own quarters. They remained quiet as they walked along the corridors, just exchanging some knowing looks and shy smiles. They finally reached the biggest cabin of the ship and Abby immediately knew that it was the captain's cabin; technically, then, that of Marcus De Kane. She moved forward, admiring the gilts and the carved wood on the wall. There were also some paintings, predominantly somber; and at least a thousand books in the bookcase. A huge bay window embellished the room, but the view was blocked by the darkness of the night. From the corner of her eyes, she saw a large bed, covered by fur and surrounded by candles. The vision made her cheeks turn slightly red but she couldn't help but let her gaze linger on it a little longer than necessary.

« _Your cabin is really lovely, Captain,_ » she finally said as she turned toward him, trying to ignore the impure thoughts which were invading her mind.

The Count had stayed at the entrance of the cabin. He was leaning against the closed-door, an overjoyed smile inked on his lips.

« _It's all yours,_ » he told her with a humble shrug.

« _Really_?» she asked with a wide smile, letting her finger slide along the desk next to her.

« _Of course, I can't, decently, let you sleep with the crew,_ » he joked.

« _Yes, it would be improper, I'm afraid_ ,» she said with an impish smile at the corner of her lips as she leaned slightly against the cabinet behind her.

« _And you, where will you sleep?_ » she asked him with a teasing voice, perfectly aware of how much her question could sound bold.

All her life, Abigail De Griffin had been a good wife, a good mother and a good daughter of the church. All her life had been guided by morality and virtue. She had done everything that God was expecting from her but where had it gotten her? She had almost lost everything, and without Marcus De Kane, she would have really lost everything. Running away with a banished man was already the first step toward a life of sin and anyway; she was tired of being a good woman. She didn't want to live the life she was supposed to live anymore, she wanted to live the life she wanted.

Her question made the Count chuckle in embarrassment.

« _In the cabin of my second, I suppose,_ » he answered with a shrug, looking at his feet.

This wasn't the answer the Marquise was waiting for. She felt a hint of disappointment press her stomach and she looked down, a little ashamed because of her previous audacity. Of course, the Count didn't intend to share a bed with a woman who wasn't his wife. He was too respectful to even think about it but then...

« _Unless..._ » he said tentatively, and they both looked up at each other.

« _Yes?_ » she encouraged him to keep going in a breath.

« _Maybe... if you... I..._ » he stammered, starting to walk slowly toward her.

Abby felt a strong shiver striking her whole body.

« _Yes,_ » she said again - but this time it wasn't a question, it was an answer. It was a statement. It was a declaration coming from the depths of her heart.

Something seemed to break inside the Count and in two last long strides, he closed the distance between them. This time, he didn't sneak off, didn't hesitate; he cupped her face and crashed his mouth firmly against hers. A deep moan of relief and pleasure escaped from the Marquise's throat. Without thinking, she grasped the fabric of his wet shirt and pulled him harder against her. She had waited for this for so long that she couldn't hold herself back anymore. She wanted this: his lips brushing against hers, his tongue taking possession of her mouth; his hands, big and warm, mapping her whole body. She wanted all of this.

He was kissing her with a fervor and an assertiveness that she would have never suspected, and it turned her on like never before. At some point, his grip on her face loosened. One of his hands found its way up through her hair while the other started to slide along the closure of her jacket, without ever stopping his devouring of her lips.

« _Take it off,_ » she heard herself begging against his mouth.

With one swift movement, the Count tore her scarf off and immediately started to ravage her neck with his lips, tongue, and teeth. The Marquise instinctively threw her head back, whimpers springing up from the deepest part of herself.

Usually, Abigail was a quiet lover, even when she reached the peak of her pleasure. But, right now, the friction of Marcus' beard against her skin, the sensation of his mouth on her, the feeling of his desire for her; everything was too much. She couldn't control herself anymore, she couldn't even try.

The count started to unbutton her jacket, revealing her white lace blouse and her corset, and she couldn't help but giggle as she saw his gaze darken with desire. Intrigued, he looked up at her face and she offered him a wide smile in answer.

« _Don't stop,_ » she encouraged him softly, stroking his cheek tenderly.

« _I didn't intend to_ ,» he told her with a smirk before dipping his head into her cleavage, pushing her back until she laid completely on the desk.

Abby let herself lie back and closed her eyes as she felt his tongue slide teasingly along her sternum.

« _You're so beautiful,_ » he breathed against her skin as he nuzzled under the hem of her blouse.

As a reply, Abby put her hand on his head and stroked his hair. It was still wet, like hers, but she loved how it felt under her palm and between her fingers. He seemed to like it because as one of his hands was unlacing her corset, his other hand had found her arm and brushed against it, encouraging her to keep going with her caress. He wanted to touch her, and he wanted her to touch him too, she realized. So, when she was finally free of her corset she pushed him back and sat up, facing him.

« _Let me,_ » she told him as an answer at the questioning look he was giving her.

Without another word, she grabbed the hem of his shirt and lifted it up slowly, taking care to let her fingers brush lightly against his skin.

Once the shirt gone, the Marquise took a moment to admire the well-defined muscles in front of her. She felt her mouth becoming dry, contrary to the lower part of her belly. She wanted to touch it, to feel it, to taste it, so she did so. She began by letting her forefinger follow the contour of each pectoral and then of each abdominal muscle. Under her touch, she could feel Marcus' muscles tense, and goose bumps appeared on his skin. Then, she tilted her head and start to kiss every part of his chest she could reach. At first, her kisses were just light touches but as she heard the Count's breathing quicken, she became bolder and pressed her lips harder and harder until she finally just sucked at his skin, leaving some lovely bruises behind her.

Her mouth made its way up to his neck and then she bit lightly at his earlobe, making him growl.

« _Take me to bed,_ » she whispered sensually in his ear.

« _As you wish,_ » Marcus granted with deference, putting one of his arms under her knees and the other around her waist.

He lifted her up effortlessly, as if she weighed no more than a feather. Abby automatically wrapped her arms around his neck and let her nose and lips brush lightly along his jawline.

Once he arrived at the edge of the bed, he laid her down carefully onto the mattress. Abby reached for him, but he remained standing, just looking at her.

« _Tell me that this isn't a dream,_ » he asked, the desire in his eyes being momentarily replaced by something more troubled, almost painful.

The Marquise didn't respond immediately, she just stared at him, right in the eyes and without breaking eye-contact, as she took off her skirt. The sight of her long and slender legs made him swallow hard.

« _If it is, I hope I never wake up,_ » she answered with a half-shy, half-teasing smile as she laid completely down, her arms above her head and her legs slightly opened, ready to welcome him.

This time, the Count didn't waste more time; he climbed on top of her and hungrily captured her lips with his. Abby immediately locked up her legs around his waist and tangled her fingers in his hair, pressing him harder, fully against her. In a reflexive motion, Marcus pulled his hips up and they both moaned in unison.

« _Again,_ » Abby couldn't help but plead, the feeling of his hardness against her entrance already becoming an addiction to her.

She felt him grin against her mouth, and one second later, he was pushing his hips between her thighs again. A pulse of arousal took over her and her breathing became more erratic.

« _Like that?_ » he asked with a husky voice as one of his hands found its way under the fabric of her lace blouse, his fingertips brushing higher and higher along her leg.

« _Yes,_ » she breathed out as she arched her back, the pursuit of pleasure becoming the only thought in her mind.

The Count tilted his head and started to leave a trail of hot kisses along her jawline, her carotid, and then along the valley of her breasts. Inch by inch, he tugged at the hem of her neckline, slowly exposing the creamy skin of her voluptuous curves; and then the pink skin of her nipples. The Marquise held back her breath in anticipation.

She felt the warmth of his breath first, quickly followed by the tingling of his beard and then the dampness of his tongue.

« _Sweet Jesus,_ » she couldn't help but hiss between her teeth as Marcus' ministrations became more confident, more passionate, more eager.

His hand on her thighs finally reached his aim and Abby immediately lost her connection with the reality of the outside world. Right now, all she was aware of was how good Marcus's weight felt on top of her, how intoxicating his smell was, how loving and delectable his touches were. He started to apply more and more pressure on where she needed him to and her lower belly seemed to catch fire. She felt like if lightning was crossing her whole body from side to side. This feeling, this bittersweet sensation, was new to her and she didn't know how to handle it. Her body started to shake uncontrollably and she wasn't able to know if she wanted more of if she wanted it to stop.

« _Hey, hey, hey..._ » Marcus soothed her, whispering in her ear, as if he had read her mind.

« _It's okay, keep breathing. Don't think, just feel.._.» he murmured, lightly kissing the side of her face.

Abby closed her eyes and nodded. She took a deep breath, probably the deepest breath she had ever taken, and there she was... The pleasure hit her hard, harder than ever in all her life.

« _That's it. That's it. Let yourself go_ ,» he encouraged her, leading her steadily toward the peak of her orgasm.

Abby clung desperately to him, her nails scratching the skin of his back as irrepressible moans escaped her throat. He was driving her to madness. He was making her taste heaven and hell at the same time.

« _You-make me_ feel-so _-,_ » she tried to tell him between two breaths when she came back to her senses; but she didn't even know how to end her sentence.

« _Oh my god! I can't even find the right word,_ » she confessed as her panting turned into uncontrollable laughs.

« _Wow, that should be a first_ ,» the Count chuckled, kissing her cheek softly.

« _What?»_ she asked him with a wide smile, stroking fondly his beard.

« _Someone, making the Marquise of Espérence wordless,_ » he joked with a grin.

Abby burst out of laughing before capturing his lips in a heated kiss.

« _I want you inside me,_ » she whispered in his ear, raising her hips from the mattress to rub them sensually against his obvious hardness.

« _Nothing would pleasure me more,_ » he granted, stealing one more languorous kiss before taking off his pants.

The Marquise took the opportunity to remove her blouse and waited, all naked and hot with desire. When Marcus looked up at her, as naked as her, all Abby could see in his eyes was desire, love, and pure adoration. A wave of emotions flooded her heart, and she bit her lower lip to control herself. It wasn't the time to cry, even tears of joy. It was time to live, to enjoy the life they both deserved.

« _Love me, Marcus,_ » she asked him for as she reached out to him.

« _Love me,_ » she said again in a breath as he settled between her thighs.

« _I will,_ » he swore, his forehead pressed against hers.

« _I will. As long as you want me to_ ,» he vowed before giving her a kiss which took her breath away.

« _Forever, then,_ » she panted as she let her hand find his manhood and started to stroke him there.

« _Forever,_ » he echoed in a guttural moan as she guided him inside her.

Slowly, carefully, inch by inch, he started to push into her, swallowing her moans with kisses. Abby reached for his hand and intertwined her fingers with his above her head, encouraging him to go deeper and deeper with the pressure of her feet on his ass.

« _Wait,_ » she ordered him when he finally filled her to the hilt, wedged his hips between her thighs.

« _Did I- Did I hurt you?_ » he asked with concern, trying to withdraw.

« _No, no, no,_ » she gasped, holding him tighter against her.

« _Just- Just don't move. Stay there,_ » she told him in a pleading voice.

She loved that sensation. Feeling him hot and hard inside her. She hadn't felt this fulfilled and this happy since an eternity. She didn't want it to end. She wanted to keep him there forever.

« _I love you,_ » the words escaped her before she could think about it.

She felt him stop breathing for a second, and then he straightened up a little to look properly at her.

« _And I love you, too,_ » he told her, his expression betraying the wave of emotions which was now engulfing him.

« _I love you so much,_ » he said, starting to move again inside her.

For the second time that night, Abby felt something strong, something ecstatic took the control of her body. This wasn't just sex. This wasn't just love. It was something so much stronger, a unique mental connection. Two souls, two hearts, two human beings made for each other.

At one point, Marcus started to whisper sweet nothings in her ear, telling her how beautiful she was, how good she felt, how much he loved her; but the words, as arousing as they were, were nothing to compare to the physical feeling of his body melting against hers, of him thrusting inside her again and again and again until they both lost their minds in an explosion of pleasure and muffled cries.

They didn't sleep that night. They almost didn't sleep the next nights, either. Feeling the other had become an addiction, a sweet uncontrollable addiction. They were two banished people, two lost souls navigating toward uncharted territory, surrounded by a hundred children who gradually became theirs. Two people, deeply in love with each other who lost their title; who gave up their past in order to finally become the _Marquise & the Count of the hundred angels._


	11. To hell with the list

**Abby finds out Marcus isn't on the list.**

« _I'm sorry,_ » Clarke's voice resonate in the room, followed by a held in sob.

Abby's fingers tightened on the loose sheet but she didn't stop to read again and again and again the one hundred names, still looking for one in particular. « _NO»_ , her mind was echoing. « _It has to be a forgetting_. _It has to be a mistake»_ , her heart was screaming.

« _Don't be. It's okay, you did well,_ » Marcus finally said after a few seconds, nodding.

Abby's hands were shaking increasingly. She didn't have said a word since Clarke had given her the list. The list which was both a passport for the life and a death sentence. She tried to take a deep breath but her lungs were like frozen.

« _Mum?_ » Clarke called out for her, tentatively.

Abby remained still, her gaze locked on the black ink. « _It is somewhere, it can't be otherwise_ », she told herself as she started to read the one hundred names again. _Abby Griffin, Eric Jackson, Raven Reyes, Thelonius Jaha, Octavia Blake…_

« _Abby?_ » Marcus tried in turn, reaching for her shaking shoulder.

The way he said her name, in a short breath, with his familiar reassuring tone made her realize that she couldn't deny the reality any longer.

« _He's the Chancellor,_ » she suddenly snapped, her voice hoarse as she took a step backward to shy away from Marcus' grip, her gaze fixed on her daughter.

« _He has to be on that list too! You can't let him die, that's not–_ » she exclaimed angrily to Clarke.

She rather should have said, « _you can't let them all die_ ». She should have because that was exactly what she would have said if the lack of Marcus' name on the list wasn't so painful, if her heart didn't have taken over her reason.

Deep down inside her, Abby knew that, in a way, it was selfish to think about the people she loved first but still, right now, all she could think was that she couldn't lose him.

« _Abby stop,_ » Marcus tried to cut her off calmly, catching her wrist with his usual tenderness.

« _Without you, we'd be all dead! No ! I cannot agree with that! **You** kept Roan on the throne, **You** gave us time to figure it out, **You** —_,» she argued fiercely looking at him right in the eyes, her distress hidden behind a fit of anger.

« _Abby listen_ ,» he told her in a low voice, cupping her face with his both hands.

It seemed to calm her down a little but quickly Abby started to shake her head, tears wetting her eyes.

« _Marcus…no…no,_ » she whined in a pleading tone because she already knew what he was about to say.

Once again, he was willing to sacrifice himself for the good of his people and even if, in a way, she loved him for that, she couldn't let him do so. It wasn't an option.

« _Clarke, can you give us a moment?_ » Marcus asked for, looking to the girl with a sad smile on his lips.

« _Of course,_ » Clarke accepted with a quick nod, tears rolling down her cheeks.

« _I won't—I can't–,_ » Abby started to object again the second Marcus' attention was drawn back to her.

« _Abby, look at me, calm down,_ » he told her, brushing lightly his thumb against her cheekbones.

« _It's okay. We both know that our people need doctors, farm engineers, computer engineers, mechanic… Clarke did the right choice,_ » he tried to reason with her.

« _They need leaders too,_ » she retorted, her chin high with a spark of defiance in her gaze.

An half-amused, half-sad smile stretched up Marcus' lips.

« _They already have two…,_ » he responded, his gaze landed a second on the door that Clarke got out.

« _I…I can't…I can't let them lock you outside_ ,» Abby croaked, her fingers clenching hard around the lapel of his jacket.

« _You said we were in this together and we **are**! No matter what! When the door shuts down, I'll be next to you, no matter on which side we will be,_ » she asserted, tears running down her cheeks.

Marcus didn't nod, he didn't shack his head either. He just stared at her, swallowing hard, his lower lips trembling slightly with emotion. She knew that look, she knew that expression. He had the same one the day she told him how she felt for him for the first time. She heard his heart break in synchronization with hers. They both knew that no matter what she could say, it won't change anything. Their people needed doctors so she will be inside the Ark and he was too stubborn and selfless so he will be outside. But Marcus knew her, he knew that she needed to fight, to keep hope alive to get ahead so he left it to her and said nothing.

Quietly, he pulled her into an embrace, holding her tight against him as she buried her head in his neck, breathing him in. She could sense his pulse point beating. She could feel the warmth of his skin. And she could hear his breathing. He was still alive but for how long? What will be left when his heart stops, when his skin become cold, when the last breath leaves his lungs? A big, painful, unbearable hole in her heart, nothing more, nothing less.

« _To hell with the list !_ » she swore between two sobs.

« _To hell with the list…_ » he echoed in a whisper before pressing his lips hard against her temple.


	12. He stayed

**Because of her brain damages, Abby loses her memory. Marcus POV. Drabble.**

It started with some little things, like cleaning up her medical equipment two times or not remembering where she put her stethoscope. She forgot several meetings and to lock the medicine cabinet. It wasn't a big deal. It could have been tiredness. It could have been overwork. But it wasn't…

Some days, it took her a little longer to call someone by his name and some days she prescribed the wrong medication. Sometimes she forgot to deliver a message and sometimes she forgot to put a jacket. He insisted but she didn't want to talk about it. She kept telling him she was fine but deep down inside him, Marcus knew she wasn't. Jackson had told him about her brain damages. They didn't know how it could progress but it was becoming clear that her memory was touched.

He realized it started to affect their personal life when a night, while he was worshiping her with his tongue and fingers, she had told him, between two gasps, that they should have done this earlier. He had frozen and his heart had broken in thousand pieces. He would have wanted to tell her that they already have, a dozen of time. He would have wanted to tell her that he already knew how good it felt to feel her coming on his tongue. He would have wanted to tell her that the first time he had tasted her in Polis, he had flown up to heaven. But he didn't… He didn't because he had realized that he was losing her in the cruelest possible way and he didn't know how to handle it. It was too hard, too painful. So, he had kept going his ministrations, making her come again and again and again until they both fall from exhaustion in the morning light.

The next nights, he didn't sleep. He held her tight against him, enjoying the warmth of her naked body, getting drunk of the smell of her hair, waiting for her to be asleep to finally let his tears escaping his eyes. He felt helpless and it hurt him and made him atrociously angry. There was nothing he could do to save her. There was nothing he could do to make her remain who she was. There was nothing to do at all but stand back and watch the woman he loved disappear.

« ** _Kane_** », here they were. « ** _Kane_** », the word spilling out from her mouth stabbed him right in the heart. « ** _Kane_** », she was gone.

He thought about leaving for a while. Seeing the hate burning in her eyes and hearing the resentment in her tone each time she was facing him was too hard. He couldn't take it anymore. He was no longer the heartless and cold man he was once. He wasn't strong enough anymore. Each of her words pierced his heart. On the Ark, she was just Abby Griffin, his best enemy with who he liked to argue but now…Now she was just Abby, the woman he loved with his all heart and her sarcastic remarks were as sharp as a sword.

He would have wanted to leave but he didn't. He stayed because as hard as it was, he couldn't abandon her. He couldn't let Clarke dealing alone with her mother when she was asking hysterically for Jake. When she was falling apart after someone announced her once again her husband's death.

He stayed, even if he knew that nothing could ever be rebuilt. He stayed for the woman she was once. He stayed for the woman he had loved. He stayed for the woman he still loved. He stayed for the woman he will ever love.


	13. The way out of the dark

_Rated M_

 _Four months, nine days and seven hours since the door closed._

 _Four months, nine days and twelve hours since the death wave hit Polis._

 _Four months, nine days, twelve hours and one minute of mourning, self-blaming, and adjustment._

The ghosts of all the people who had been left outside to die were still haunted the dark corridors she had to stride across every single day. Friends, lovers, wives, fathers too many life ended in a second, burned to ashes to save the human race.

When she had woken up, safe and sound on a bed, Abby had been hit by a wave of anger and despair. At first, she had yelled at Marcus, blaming him for having let her live instead of giving her spot to a more deserving person. She had cried all the tears she had over the child she thought she had lost for good. She had gone through hell for almost a week after that day but one morning a miracle happened. Clarke' s voice had resonated through the radio, telling them that she was safe in Becca's lab (thanks to the night blood) and that the others were back on the Ark. It had been a little light into the darkness, a reason to keep hope alive, a reason to fight for.

The first month had been the hardest. The old hate dies hard and some brawls between people from different clan had broken out from time to time. One wrong word or one wrong look and it was enough to blow apart the tension which was grumbling bellow the surface. People were hurt and angry and it was almost impossible to find a quiet corner to take a break alone.

Intimacy was a word which no longer existed in the bunker. Each bedroom were shared between ten peoples and there was no exception even for the Chancellor or the Commander. Abby and Marcus had moved on with Jaha and seven other Arkadian.

The first weeks, they had slept wrapped in each other's arms, curled up against each other in Marcus' single bed despite the lake of space. It wasn't the most comfortable position for restful sleep but it was necessary and almost vital for them. Feeling the body of the other, hearing their soft breathing at night was a comfort they couldn't do without.

The months had passed and little by little they had started to begin the night alone in their own bed, telling themselves that they would sleep better but, at the end, it wasn't true. In the early morning, they always found themselves back in the same bed again, clutching at each other like if they were afraid that the other could disappear.

The first time it happened Abby blamed herself for having this kind of thoughts. How could she think about that while everybody was still mourning their dead? How could she be horny when all she saw each time she left her bed was sadness and distress? It wasn't right and she felt ashamed for it.

It happened again several days later while she was lying in Marcus' bed with him, his hard chest pressed against her back and one of his hand placed high on her stomach. His fingers were shaking slightly in his sleep and the tips of them were brushing the underneath of her breast. It wasn't an intentional stroke but still, she couldn't help but shudder and feel a wave of heat rising in her lower belly. She would have wanted nothing more than turning around and touch him, kiss him, rubbing herself against him, but she couldn't, not with eight others people in the room.

She missed his touches, not the tender and reassuring ones he still gave her but the ones which made her caught fire, which made her burnt from inside. She missed his lips on her skin and the wetness of his tongue along the curve of her body. She missed the feeling of his desire, unashamed and insatiable, in the hollow between her tights. She missed those nine days in the tower, nine days of pure bliss, filled with red-hot memories.

Marcus shifted a little in his sleep and suddenly Abby felt her heart miss a beat. His hips were now pressed tight against her ass and she couldn't ignore the hard and big swelling in his pants. Her body jerked backward instinctively, increasing the contact and she had to bit her lips to hold back a moan.

" _Abby,_ " he breathed out sleepily as he stirred a little away from her.

" _Sorry,_ " she apologized shamefully.

" _We can't,_ " he reminded her, whispering in her ear with a hint of regret in his voice.

" _I know_ ," she sighed as she turned around to face him.

The room was dark, she couldn't see him but she reached for his cheek and stroke softly the beard there. Marcus hand found her hips in return and started to rub the exposed skin between her tank top and the waistband of her pants.

" _I wish we could,_ " he murmured before leaning forward to skim her lips with his.

He started to pull back but she didn't let him. She grabbed the back of his head and captured his mouth between her lips. She started slow, trying to prevent any suspicious noises, just letting her lips brushed against his but suddenly she felt his tongue come to tease her bottom lips and she lost all her self-control. Her grips on his hair tightened as she put her leg over his, pushing him on his back to straddle him. She heard him hissed against her mouth as their pelvis bumped against each other and she took advantage of it to let her tongue slipped inside his mouth.

This was totally crazy and irresponsible. Anyone in this room could hear them at any time. Even if they were still able to keep their breathing quiet enough, the sound of friction of their clothes as they rubbed desperately against each other left no doubt as to what was going on between them.

Suddenly a loud snore resonated in the room. Marcus's hand grabbed firmly her hips, pinning her in place and stopped kissing her. They stand still, holding their breaths, waiting apprehensively for the sign that someone was awake but gladly this sign never came.

" _Lay back,_ " Marcus told her quietly.

Abby let out a disappointed sigh but did as he told reluctantly. She knew it was for the best because they couldn't decently have sex with all of this people barely three feet away from them but still it was very frustrating.

" _Pull down your pants,_ " he whispered in her ear as soon as her back touched the mattress and her throat went dry.

" _Marcus...,_ " she breathed out uncertain.

" _Trust me,_ " he said, his lips brushing her throat.

Abby swallowed hard and felt a sweet and torturous warmth invading her core. She inhaled deeply, trying to slow down her heartbeat and grabbed the waistband of her pants. She lifted her hips a little and pulled down her pants quietly. As soon as the fabric fell around her ankles, Marcus's hand land on her knee. He stayed there for a while, letting his thumb caressing the area around the top and then sliding along the thin skin behind it.

He had barely touched her and she was already shaking. His fingers started to run higher and higher, leaving a trail of goosebumps behind them and she had to bit her tongue to hold back a moan. He was mapping her right thigh, sometimes skimming, sometimes stroking and sometimes rubbing. When his fingertips finally reached the highest part of her leg, her hips jerked instinctively forward, her intimate part desperately craving for his touch. She felt him smile against her neck and she mentally cursed him when she felt his hand move back, his nails scratching lightly along the line underneath her ass, instead of where she needed him the most.

After a few more minutes, he started all over again and then he applied the same care to her left leg. At this point, Abby felt dizzy and feverish. Her heart was beating so fast in her chest that she felt very close to faint. Her core was aching and pulsing with desire but Marcus kept deny it his attention.

When he finally seemed to be done with her legs, Abby held back her breath as his hand ventured further north. A quiet moan escaped her as his finger ran along the edge of her soak panties between her thighs and she suddenly covered her mouth with her hand as his warm palm skimmed over her throbbing clit. The contact made her whole body convulse with pleasure. She spread her thighs as wide as she can, begging him silently to apply more pressure.

For a second, she thought he was about to grant her what she wanted, what she needed but at the last second his hand kept going higher, sliding under her shirt to finally land on her stomach.

" _Marcus,_ " she hissed between her teeth, grabbing his wrist.

" _I can't do that_ " he told her, nuzzling along her jawline.

" _Of course you can...,_ " she said in a breath. " _You're very close_ " she informed him, guiding his hand down to let him feel the wetness between her legs through her panties.

She heard him inhaled deeply in the crook of her neck, which was a good indication that he was also affected by what he was doing.

" _Someone could hear you,_ " he remained her, his fingertips starting to run nonetheless lightly along her folds.

" _I'll be quiet,_ " she exhaled, throwing her head backward as one of his fingers sneaked in under the fabric of her panties and teased torturously her entrance.

He chuckled and she wondered if it was because of her answer of because of how much she was already and ludicrously wet and ready for him. Indeed, he had only caressed her legs and barely touched her sex for now but she was already in a sweet hell. She was like a dying ember and he was the blast of air which was enough to stoke the fire of her desire.

" _Turned around. On your side,_ " he told her and she didn't waste a second to comply.

" _Don't move, okay?_ " he asked her, kissing her nape.

She nodded but pushed her hips backward anyway, yearning to feel the evidence of his desire against her again.

" _All in good time,_ " he chided her teasingly, moving his hips away from hers.

His hand got back to its way up her body. He started again on her stomach, his fingertips brushing around her navel, making her belly twitch reflexively. It seemed to enjoy it because he did it again several times until she couldn't take it anymore and let out a giggle. The sounds escaping her own throat startled her. Not because she thought that someone might have heard her but because she didn't think that she could give out this kind of noise anymore, not after everything they came through. She felt Marcus' hand stand still and squeeze softly her skin.

" _God, I missed that sound,_ " he exhaled, burying his face in her hair. " _I missed us,_ " he whispered again her nape. " _I missed touching you like this,_ " he told her as he moved his hand again and let his fingers running along the underneath of her breasts.

She wanted to tell him that she felt exactly the same way but she didn't. She knew that if she started to speak about her feelings she wouldn't be able to hold back the tears which were already stinging her eyes. So, instead, she raised her arm and reached for the back of his head and tugged lightly at his hair as an answer. He understood, he always did. Barely a second later his fingers were back to work, skimming the curve of her right breast and then of the left, climbing the slope of her sternum and finally teasing the rosy peak. She arched her back, craving for more, yearning for the warmth of his palm. This time, he didn't need to be asked twice, his hand grabbed her full breast and started to massage it, pinched her nipple lightly between his fingers. Her hand came to cover his, encouraging him to keep going while he slid his other arm under her side to give the same care to her other breast. She felt herself dissolve like a piece of ice under the sun and she let her back melt against his chest.

" _Marcus,_ " she panted as she couldn't help anymore but roll her hips, looking desperately for his.

" _We can't_ ," he tried to reason with her once more but this time he locked his hips with hers and she knew he couldn't take it anymore either.

She huffed a moan and pushed her hips harder against his erection. She heard him grumbled and did it again.

" _Damn Abby,_ " he growled, his grips tightening on her breasts. " _Who's the bad influence now?_ " he taunted, before chewing at her earlobe.

" _Please,_ " she insisted, without stopping to rub her ass against his manhood.

Without a warning, he pulled back one of his hand and she felt him shifted behind her. For a second she thought he might be mad at her but then... _Oh !_ He wasn't mad at all, quite the contrary. The bare head of his cock was now pushing between her thighs along the underneath of her panties. She immediately opened her legs wider and he took advantage of it to move aside the wet fabric.

" _This is madness,_ " he said but increased the pressure of his cock at her entrance anyway.

Abby sucked in a breath. Here he was, hard and hot against her pulsating core, within an inch of filling her.

" _Please,_ " she begged him again, short of breath.

His fingers clenched around the inside of her thigh and one second later he pushed his hips into hers, just enough for the tip of his cock to be enveloped by her wetness. Abby closed her eyes tight and pressed her lips together. Feeling him like this was overwhelming but she couldn't let herself lose control.

Her right hand left his hair and found his hips. She tightened her fingers on his flesh, pressing him silently to move, to push into her deeper and he did. Inch by inch he entered her and she felt her inner walls adjusted, welcoming him to his way back home. When he reached the deepest part of her intimacy and started to pull back deliberately slowly, filling her from the start all over again she realized that he was right. It wasn't a good idea. Not at all. The pleasure was too strong, too powerful and she couldn't hold back any longer the soft gasps which were escaping her throat. She reached frantically for his hand and brought it to her mouth, pressing it tight against her lips.

They both knew that they were playing with fire but there was no going back now. It was too late, too good, too intoxicating. Marcus was thrusting into her, again and again, and again, keeping his rhythm slow but hard. The grips of his arms around her was firm and steady. The pressure of his cock inside her was self-assured and precise. Right now it was clearly him who was in charge and she wouldn't have been able to explain with words how much she loved that. Of course, she loved when he was soft and tender but when he was taking her like that, holding her tight against him, claiming her as him it was almost too much. He always knew when she needed a break, when she needed to stop carrying the entire world on her shoulders, when she needed to let go and he gave her that. He gave her everything she needed, he gave her everything he could.

Suddenly the creaking of the bed next to their, Jaha's bed, broke into their bubble and Marcus stand still. She felt him tense behind her and he pressed his palm harder against her mouth. They waited for a lifetime, Marcus' cock still hard as iron deep inside her but the room remained quiet after that.

" _We should stop before we got caught,_ " he whispered in her ear.

" _Just a little longer,_ " she breathed out against his palm as she rolled her hips stubbornly against his.

The movement made him growl and he bit at the junction between her neck and shoulder to muffle his guttural moans.

After several seconds he finally started to move again and she was back to heaven. He thrust harder and harder, faster and faster and the pressure of his cock was quickly followed by the teasing of his left hand against her clit. He began with light little circles causing her whole body to shake uncontrollably.

" _Almost there, almost there,_ " she told him and barely a minute later there she was. She burned to death, a wave of delight and pure bliss overtaking her completely, from the tip of her toes to her hair root. Her inner walls clenched hard and the bittersweet sensation let the lower part of her belly all numb.

When she finally came back to herself, she felt Marcus started to withdraw but she didn't let him.

" _Come inside me,_ " she told him as she grabbed his hips, forcing him to stay where he was.

" _Abby,_ " he said, his voice sounding like a warning.

" _Come inside me,_ " she insisted, turning her head to kiss him. " _Please,_ " she added against his lips.

She didn't care if she had to wait until morning to clean up herself. She didn't care if she had to sleep with stained sheets for weeks due to water restriction. All she wanted was to feel him pleased and alive inside her. All she wanted was him feeling the same way she felt right now.

" _Please,_ " she said again one last time and he obliged her.

He started to fill her again, his thrusts short and quick like his breathing.

" _That's it,_ " she encouraged him. " _You feel so good, Marcus,"_ she murmured as she nuzzled against his beard. " _You feel so good inside me,_ " she whispered, kissing his chin and she felt him lower his guard, finally fucking her like she knew he was craving to.

" _God Abby, you feel so good too,_ " he exhaled breathlessly the rhythm of his hips becoming frenetic and wild.

He was clinging onto her like if she was the last blast of oxygen in the world, like if she was the most precious thing he had on earth and in a way, she was all those things for him. She was his way out of the dark just like he was hers.

" _I love you,_ " she breathed out and he was lost for good.

His hips bucked again and again and again and she felt a hot and delicious warmth flooded inside her.

" _I love you,_ " he echoed, his hands reaching frantically for her face to kiss hungrily her mouth. " _I love you,_ " he said again, his heart beating so fast that Abby could felt its beating resonate inside her whole body.

It had taken time but after that night everything seemed to have click back into place between them. The weight of all the deaths upon their shoulders seemed to have lightened a little. The future didn't seem as dark as it had seemed the first months. It was still a long shot but the word _Hope_ didn't sound like a cuss word anymore.

A new room had also been opened on the proposal of Jaha: a room where couples could go when they needed some privacy. The former Chancellor had never said anything but Abby and Marcus couldn't help but suspect shamefully that he might not have been fully asleep that night...no more than the others nights...


End file.
